


Tutto quello che volevi

by n0cturnal_spirit



Series: University AU [2]
Category: Festival di Sanremo RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fluff and Crack, M/M, Slow Burn, blind idiots in love pining after each other, what is quality?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-04
Updated: 2019-01-06
Packaged: 2019-07-25 04:12:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 32,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16189820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/n0cturnal_spirit/pseuds/n0cturnal_spirit
Summary: Ermal and Fabrizio had to go to different cities because of university.This is how they stay in touch.





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> Hello again!
> 
> This is me continuing on with this AU, because it makes separation easier.
> 
> What you read here is (more or less) real, where Ermal is based on my best friend and Fabrizio on me (except for the fact that we're not in love with the other :D), that's why they're so OOC.
> 
> It's written from Fabrizio's POV.
> 
> Ermal is a Languages student in England. Fabrizio is an Architecture student in Italy. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Fabrizio regarded his packed luggage with narrowed eyes: he had expected it to be way less than it turned out to be in the end. Well, it wasn’t his fault that he wanted to feel at home at his new place! And even if he wasn’t moving out of the country as Ermal had, he still was moving to another city. All the way to the North.

Sighing, he looked around his room to check if there was something more he needed to take with him (though he doubted he would be able to stuff anything else in his bags) and finding nothing, he let himself fall on the bed. He was going to miss this place; wasn’t there a way to just teleport his room (or the entire apartment, really) with himself to the North? Was he really ready to leave his home behind? Then again, Ermal had done it, more than once. So, Fabrizio could do it as well, it wasn’t a big deal, he would be fine. He just didn’t like the cold, alright?

He reached for his phone, opening the chat with Ermal.

**[09:37]Fabri:** _All packed._

_Do I really have to go?_

**[09:38]Ermal:** _If you give up now, after spending the whole summer closed at home studying instead of coming to the sea with me, going through more than six very long textbooks, I am going to fly back down and personally kill you._

_So, to answer your question, yes, you really have to go. _

_Come on, Fabbri, this has been your dream since forever!_

_You can’t give up now, after all the effort you put in to be admitted in the first place!_

_And with having one of the highest scores in the country!!! Have I told you how proud of you I am? Because I am so so so proud of you!!!_

Fabrizio smiled at the screen; Ermal always knew how to make him feel better, no matter what.

**[09:39]Fabri:** _Yes, you told me a million times already, but I wouldn’t mind hearing it again._

**[09:39]Ermal:** _I am very proud of you for achieving what you have been aiming towards for years!_

**[09:40]Fabri:** _Thank you._

_I am also proud of you for having the courage to move away from the country, when I’m afraid from moving simply to a different city._

**[09:41]Ermal:** _Oh, please, we both know it’s just because you hate being cold._

_And besides, you’re going to the best university in the country to study what you love, so I believe some cold weather is worth it._

**[09:42]Fabri:** _Sure, yes, you’re right._

**[09:42]Ermal:** _No surprise there._

**[09:42]Fabri:** _Oh, shut up. :D_

_I just wish you were going there with me. Exploring the city would be much more interesting with you._

**[09:43]Ermal:** _Me too._

_But, hey, that way you’re going to learn your way about it, find all the cool secret places, and then show me around when I come to visit you. Just like you showed me around home._

Fabrizio smiled at the memory; it had been so long ago that he had taken Ermal around their (at the time, just _his_ ) hometown, both of them only 13 at the time. Seeing their city through Ermal’s eyes had made him fall in love with it even more than he had already been. And seeing the city’s lights reflected in Ermal’s eyes had made him immeasurably happy.

**[09:44]Fabri:** _I can’t wait! At least flights from and to the UK from there are relatively cheap._

_And you have more vacations than me, so visit whenever._

**[09:44]Ermal:** _Oh, trust me, as soon as I’m able to. So you better start getting familiar with the city as soon as you arrive!_

_Weren’t you supposed to leave already? I mean, it’s a six-hour drive, more or less._

**[09:45]Fabri:** _Yeah, we’re leaving at 10. My parents insisted on coming with me to see how things are. Not that I mind much, to be honest._

**[09:45]Ermal:** _Keep me updated on how things are. I hope it’s sunny or you’ll get sad and just bury yourself under your blanket, and won’t see much of the city at all._

**[09:46]Fabri:** _I won’t get sad, bad weather just makes all my motivation disappear._

**[09:46]Ermal:** _Whatever you say, Fabbri._

**[09:47]Fabri:** _Aren’t you at a lecture, by the way?_

**[09:47]Ermal:** _Yes, what of it?_

**[09:47]Fabri:** _And you’re texting me instead? What happened to the nerd I know? England has changed you for the worse!_

**[09:48]Ermal:** _Oh, please, you’re the one to talk! Besides, you know well enough that I can multitask perfectly well!_  

**[09:48]Fabri:** _Yes, of course, how could I ever doubt you! My mistake, oh all-mighty, forgive me!_

**[09:49]Ermal:** _Alas, mortal, it is in your nature to make such foolish mistakes. You are in luck, however, as today I am feeling generous. You are forgiven._

**[09:49]Fabri:** _How could I ever repay you, oh all-mighty!_

**[09:50]Ermal:** _By cooking me the biggest amount of pasta when I come to visit you, because the food here suuuuuucks, Fabbriiiii! ;(_

**[09:50]Fabri:** _Do you want me to send you something by courier? Can I even do that?_

**[09:50]Ermal:** _OH YES PLEASE!_

_It’s like the vegetables are made out of plastic! It’s all so tasteless! ;(_

**[09:51]Fabri:** _Okay, I’ll look into it once I settle in._

“Fabrizio, are you ready? We have to get going!” his mother called from the hall, and with a sigh, he lifted himself off the bed.

**[09:51]Fabri:** _I have to get going now. I’ll text you once I arrive._

**[09:51]Ermal:** _I want pictures!!!_

Fabrizio chuckled at the last text, imagining the serious look Ermal would have given him, had he been here. He slid his phone in his pocket, took his bags (yep, definitely too many and way too stuffed) and directed himself towards the front door, where his parents were already waiting for him. His father took his biggest luggage from him, earning a very grateful smile from Fabrizio, and his mother caressed his hair, giving him a tearful look.

“Look at you, already leaving home! It seems like just yesterday you and Ermal were always coming after school to practise on your guitars!” His mother was on the verge of tears, so Fabrizio let his bags down and pulled her in a hug,

“It’s fine, I’m just in a different city, it’s not that bad, at least I’m still in the same country.”

“Oh, I cannot begin to imagine how Mira feels about Ermal being all the way in England!” His mother was definitely crying now and all he could do was strengthen his hold on her.

“See? It could be worse, I’m still not that far away.”

They stood like this for a few minutes, until his mother had calmed down (and he was grateful because holding himself back from tearing up as well was proving to be harder than he thought). Then he once more collected his bags and they exited the building, moving to the car where his father was already waiting in the driver’s seat. Fabrizio put his stuff in the trunk and got in the car; the faster they departed, the easier would be for him (he hoped).

***

Six hours and a half later, they were entering the city, his new home for the next (at least) five years. It was so very different from home, somewhat more _grey_. At least he wasn’t surprised by how big everything was, as he was already used to that. But where were the colours, where were the narrow streets? He hoped he could find them, later on; he needed to find similarities with home, otherwise he was not sure he could survive. _Ermal would, though_ , so he had to, as well. 

It took them twenty more minutes to get to the building where he would live. At least it was close to the university and right next to a metro-station, so he was grateful for that. The building itself looked like it had been recently renovated and he was glad for this, as old uncared-for buildings made him sad and angry at the same time ( _why would anyone let a building self-destruct in such a sad way? It was as if time was getting to it as if it were a human, and that was unacceptable! If the Colosseo could stand tall for thousands of years, not taking into account the marble stolen during the medieval times, then these recent constructions should be well! Ermal understood him, why wouldn’t the others?_ ). He rang the bell and a kind looking woman, who introduced herself as his landlady, opened for them, letting them in the palazzo. She explained that he was to share the apartment with five other boys, all of them foreigners, but they would be arriving in the next days. She showed him around, explaining everything, and he signed the contract, receiving his keys in return. After that the landlady left, wishing them a good day, and he and his father got his bags from the car, taking them all to his room that he was to share with one of the others. Then his parents left to go check-in at the hotel they would be staying at for the night, as the drive back home was way too long to be made twice in the same day. He took the opportunity to snap a few pictures of the flat and send them to Ermal.

**[17:09]Fabri:** * _attached seven image files_ *

_It’s nice; it’s been recently renovated, which is a plus._

**[17:09]Ermal:** _Please, I know all about your fear of old buildings._

**[17:10]Fabri:** _I’m not afraid of them, but for them! People are just letting them rot! They can’t do that!_

**[17:10]Ermal:** _I know. I look forward to the day when you will be able to make all of this right again. You are already my favourite architect!_

**[17:11]Fabri:** _Oh, please, I don’t even know how to make a proper floor-plan yet._

**[17:11]Ermal:** _That’s what university is for. I’m sure you’re going to become one of the best, though. I’ve seen your sketches and the passion with which you talk about architecture; I’m sure you’ll be great!_

_Do you know who you’ll be sharing the apartment with?_

**[17:12]Fabri:** _Five more guys. All of them foreigners._

**[17:12]Ermal:** _Ahahahha, I’d love to see how you’ll communicate with them, with your excellent knowledge of the English language!_

**[17:13]Fabri:** _It’s not funny, Ermal, it’s actually quite scary._

_I hope at least one of them speaks Italian._

**[17:13]Ermal:** _Please, remind me, how many times have I offered to help you with your English?_

**[17:13]Fabri:** _But I was not supposed to need it! That’s why I stayed in Italy!_

**[17:14]Ermal:** _Yes, well, if none of them speak Italian, feel free to video-call me to translate for you. If I’m free, I’ll do it, can’t have you making a fool of yourself._

**[17:14]Fabri:** _YOU’RE A LIFESAVER, THANK YOU!!! ;*_

**[17:15]Ermal:** _You’re welcome._

_Seriously though, look into some English classes, your university surely offers them._

**[17:15]Fabri:** _I’ll have to, won’t I? ;(_

**[17:16]Ermal:** _It’s about time._

_How do you like the city so far?_

**[17:16]Fabri:** _From what I saw from the car, it’s similar to home, but more cold, as in a feeling, in colours. But we’re going out with my parents in a bit, since they’re staying the night. I’ll tell you everything when I return to the apartment in the evening._

**[17:17]Ermal:** _I think I know what you mean with it feeling colder._

_Also, I should probably stop texting you now, as the professor has been throwing annoyed glances at me for the last five minutes._

**[17:17]Fabri:** _Oh, we can’t have you disappointing the professor! :D_

Fabrizio found himself feeling better already. Of course Ermal understood what he meant, it was always so, that’s why they were so close in the first place, they just _fit_. However, he was ripped away from his thoughts by his phone ringing in his hand; his mother informed him that they were ready and waiting for him to join them for their walk. He put on his leather jacket (23 degrees was a bit cold, alright?!) and left his new home (and how strange was to think of it in such a way).

***

Later the same night, Fabrizio returned to the apartment, and immediately directed himself towards the bed; he was surprised by how exhausted he was, after all big distances weren’t something new to him. He reached for his phone, opening the chat automatically.

**[23:48]Fabri:** * _attached twenty-six image files_ *

_Okay, the city surely is beautiful. I already told you that many of the architecture styles were introduced first here in all of Italy, right? There are so many of them here! And we didn’t even visit the whole city! Even the skyscrapers are nice, and you know that I’m not very fond of them. There is that one building that I hated, though. Wait, I’ll send it to you._

* _attached image file_ *

_Look at it! How could they even sign the permission for construction?! It’s so ugly, it doesn’t fit the whole style of the city at all! Can I tear it down?_

**[23:51]Ermal:** _No, leave the building alone. :D I see why you don’t like it, but don’t do anything stupid, alright? :D_

_I’m glad you like it there, I’d love to hear you tell me all about the styles when I come to visit you. I love listening to you talk about what you love. You get that look on your face, you have no idea. _

Fabrizio blushed at Ermal’s words; if only the other knew what that meant for him, he probably wouldn’t be saying it. Unless…

**[23:52]Fabri:** _Ermal, where are you at the moment?_

**[23:52]Ermal:** _At this really cool club where they’re having an 80’s night. My flatmates dragged me here, but I don’t regret it! It’s awesome! Ooh, I think the girl from Latvia is too drunk to stay on her feet, ahaha._

_I should probably get her home._

**[23:53]Fabri:** _Glad you’re having a great time, but how drunk are you, exactly?_

**[23:53]Ermal:** _Fabbriii, don’t be so boring!! I only had four shots and a glass of wine, which sucked by the way, where is the fine Italian wine?????? ;(((_

**[23:54]Fabri:** _Yep, you’re definitely drunk._

_You should probably get that girl to her place and then get yourself home as well. Please, be careful._

**[23:54]Ermal:** _;((((((( fiiiiiiiiiiiineeeeeeeeee_

**[23:54]Fabri:** _Be careful, text me when you get home._

**[00:37]Ermal:** _I’m home._

**[00:37]Farbi:** _Okay, sleep well._


	2. II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fabrizio's new roommate, Mihail, is actually one of my friends and I thought it would be fun to include him in this, as he himself has a roommate who doesn't speak English and it's hard for them to communicate. 
> 
> Everything said in a language different from English will be translated in the notes after the chapter.

The next morning Fabrizio woke up around nine, so that he could see his parents one more time before they had to leave for home. He got ready as quickly as possible, and made his way to his parents’ hotel, passing through a café on his way for some breakfast.

When he arrived, his parents were already in the lobby, waiting for him. As his mother saw him, she practically jumped up from the couch and embraced him tightly. He was quick to return the hug, nodding at his father in the meanwhile, and began consoling his mother, telling her that he would be fine, that she shouldn’t worry, that everything was under control.

“I know you will be fine, Bri. But as your mother, I cannot help but worry. It’s what mothers do.” She gave him a tearful smile, caressed his face (which he would deny leaning into if someone were to point it out), and let go of him.

The three of them went on to the car and his mother hugged him for a final time, making him promise that he would call as often as he could. Then, to Fabrizio’s surprise, his father pulled him in a brief embrace, as well, patting him lightly on the back. And if that wasn’t enough, then the low “ _I’m proud of you_ ” that his father told him after letting him go did it for him and he felt himself tear up. He bit his lip, and nodded at his father gratefully, smiling. His father smiled back, nodding at him in turn, and entered the car, igniting the engine.

Fabrizio needed a few moments to gather himself, so he stood there on the sidewalk for a while even after his parents had already left. Then, he let out a shaky breath and went off back towards his apartment.

As soon as he entered in his room, he took out his phone,

**[10:07]Fabri:** _He told me he was proud of me._

**[10:07]Ermal:** _Who?_

**[10:07]Fabri:** _My father._

**[10:08]Ermal:** _Of course he’s proud of you! You’ve achieved so much, he’d be a fool not to be!_

**[10:08]Fabri:** _How are you feeling after last night?_

**[10:09]Ermal:** _I’ve never felt better! I could run a marathon!_

**[10:09]Fabri:** _Try again._

**[10:10]Ermal:** _Fabbriiiiii, I want to dieeeeee ;((((_

_I have a lecture at 10 and I can’t even get out of the bed without feeling like I would fall if I take a step in any direction that isn’t right back under the covers. ;(_

**[10:10]Fabri:** _Next time you’d know not to drink on a Sunday night :D_

_Look at what England’s been doing to you: you’ve been there for only a week and you’ve gone to a party every single night. Back home you’d rather die than go to a club, what happened?_

**[10:11]Ermal:** _It’s called socialising._

_And it’s rather fun watching the people who can’t hold their alcohol make idiots of themselves._

**[10:11]Fabri:** _How very hypocritical of you._

**[10:12]Ermal:** _Hey, I don’t go down after the first shot! I have Balkan blood, nothing can get to me!_

**[10:12]Fabri:** _Sure, whatever you say. :D_

_Now go get some water into your Balkan blood, you’ll feel better._

**[10:24]Ermal:** _Water is the best thing to ever exist!_

_What are you doing today, by the way? Off to explore the city?_

**[10:24]Fabri:** _Actually, my roommate should arrive today._

**[10:25]Ermal:** _ooh, that would be interesting! Let me know how your conversation went!_

**[10:25]Fabri:** _It can’t be that bad, he must know at least a few words in Italian, right?_

**[10:25]Ermal:** _I surely hope so, otherwise you’ll be completely lost. :D_

**[10:26]Fabri:** _If things really are that bad, I’ll call you to translate for me._

**[10:26]Ermal:** _Sure, If I’m not in a lecture, I’ll do it._

_Did you sign up for those English classes your university offers?_

**[10:27]Fabri:** _Now that you’re mentioning it, I should really complete my enrolment._

**[10:27]Ermal:** _Why have you waited for so long?!_

_I have to go to my lecture anyway. Update me how things have gone with your roommate._

**[10:27]Fabri:** _Will do._

Fabrizio turned on his laptop, opening the university’s website. Now, if he could only find his way around it; why did it have to be so confusing, who even designed these things?!

***

At about four in the afternoon, Fabrizio heard the front door open and went to investigate. He was met with the landlady, who greeted him gleefully, and a guy who seemed to be around his age, a bit shorter than him, with very short brown hair and kind dark eyes.

“Hi, nice to meet you, I’m Mihail and I think your roommate?” the guy – apparently Mihail – introduced himself in English (Fabrizio understood him so far, thankfully) and turned towards the landlady for confirmation, to which she nodded.

“Ehy, so’ Fabrizio, piacere mio.” Fabrizio smiled at him and offered him a hand, which Mihail took readily.

“I’m sure you will get along splendidly!” The landlady beamed at them. “Fabrizio, could you show him about? I fear I have to leave.”

“Sì, va bene.” Fabrizio nodded at her, and she gave them a final smile and left. Fabrizio turned towards Mihail, “Guarda, io l’inglese non lo parlo bene, ma capisco, più o meno. Spero che tu lo sai l’italiano, sennò  ce ne avremo un problema.”

“Eh, so solo un pochissimo di italiano, mi dispiace. Parli un’altra lingua? Tedesco? Russo?”

 “No, mi spiace, però so un po’ di spagnolo.”

“Мале, не знам как ще се разберем тогава.“ Mihail let out a brief unbelieving laugh, and Fabrizio gave him a confused look.

“Cosa?”

“Niente, non importa.” Mihail made a gesture as to tell him to let it go, and Fabrizio became even more confused.

“Ma tu di dove sei?”

“Della Bulgaria. E tu sei italiano, no?”

“Certo. Sei studente?”

“Yes, uh, sì. I’ll study business psychology. And you?”

“Anch’io, ma studierò architettura.”

“Wow, great! Uh, can you show me about the apartment?”

It took Fabrizio a second and Mihail gesturing to his luggage for him to understand what exactly has been asked of him, so with a “ _certo_ ” he gestured to the other to follow him to their room. Mihail left his bags on the free bed and followed Fabrizio, who showed him the bathroom, the kitchen and the living room. After that, Mihail began putting away his things around the room and Fabrizio went back to his laptop to finish the enrolment (which should not be taking so long, _really, the damned website_! He was so close to actually going to the university to ask the secretary to finish his enrolment for him!).   

***

After a few hours, during which Fabrizio had officially become a student (and had succeeded in holding himself back from throwing his laptop out of the window), and Mihail had gone out to probably buy some food, they had found themselves in silence in their room, Mihail reading a book on his bed (Fabrizio had no idea which book it was, as the title was written in a language he couldn’t read) and Fabrizio sketching some designs that would go nowhere, as they all were practically impossible to build. After a while, Mihail’s voice made him look up,

“Do you play?” At Fabrizio’s confused look, Mihail gestured at the guitar leaning against Fabrizio’s desk.

“Eh, sì, più o meno.” He felt himself blush and looked down; he had played only in front of Ermal so far and didn’t really want to do it in front of anyone else. Mihail seemed to understand that, though, because he simply nodded at him with a smile and an enthusiastic “ _cool_ ” and turned back to his book. Fabrizio let out a sigh and berated himself for reacting like that; why was it such a big deal, it wasn’t like he was bad at it or anything. Then again, Mihail wasn’t Ermal, _could never be_ Ermal, and that meant that he probably wouldn’t understand Fabrizio’s music the way Ermal did.

His phone chose that moment to let him know that he had received a message, so he unlocked it and smiled at seeing Ermal’s name on the screen.

**[19:26]Ermal:** _How’s the new roommate?_

**[19:26]Fabri:** _He seems nice. And speaks some Italian, which is great._

**[19:26]Ermal:** _Lucky you!_

_Where’s he from?_

**[19:27]Fabri:** _Bulgaria, I think._

**[19:27]Ermal:** _Ooh, look at you, always surrounded by Balkan boys ;)_

Fabrizio’s eyes widened and he blushed furiously.

**[19:27]Fabri:** _It’s not like that at all!!!_

**[19:28]Ermal:** _I know, I’m just joking._

_Do you two have any plans for the evening, or are you going to pretend he’s not there?_

**[19:28]Fabri:** _You know I can’t communicate with people properly._

_Even less when I don’t speak the right language._

**[19:29]Ermal:** _I’m sure he’ll understand you, even if you were to ask him in Italian._

**[19:29]Fabri:** _How do I ask him in English, though? Just to be sure._

**[19:30]Ermal:** _You say “Do you want to go for a walk?”. I’m sure you can pronounce that._

**[19:30]Fabri:** _You have too much confidence in me._

**[19:30]Ermal:** _Stop it, you’re fine._

Fabrizio looked up from his phone to Mihail, who was still reading his book,

“Ehi, do you, uh, want to go for a walk?”

Mihail obviously understood him, as he smiled, closed his book, and stood up a little in his bed, turning his whole attention to Fabrizio,

“Sure, that’d be great. I still haven’t had the chance to explore the city.”

“Ottimo, allora andiamo.” Fabrizio smiled back, glad to have understood everything, and they put on their shoes and left the apartment. They got to the metro, Fabrizio pointing to Mihail where they were going to on the map, and once on the train, he sent a text to Ermal,

**[19:42]Fabri:** _We understood each other and just headed out._

**[19:42]Ermal:** _See, I told you you’ll be fine! If there’s something you need translated, I’m free._

**[19:42]Fabri:** _Thank you._

Fabrizio put his phone back into his pocket, realised they had reached their stop and gestured to Mihail to follow him out of the metro. They had reached the central square and made their way through the crowds of tourists (nothing different from home, Fabrizio thought) to get to the place that sold pizza in slices. Each took one and they sat down at a bench in the nearby smaller piazza they were lucky enough to find. They finished their food in silence and got up, going once again to the central piazza, Fabrizio pointing at the main buildings and trying his best to explain what they were (in Italian, but Mihail was nodding along, so he probably understood). After that, they went down one of the narrower streets and found a bar. Entering, they found a free table and Fabrizio went to the bar to get them two beers. Mihail smiled at him gratefully and took a sip, then scrunched his face in a weirded-out expression.

“Che c’è? Non bevi della birra?” Fabrizio asked him with a smirk.

“No, I do. It’s just… That’s a very weak excuse for a beer.” Mihail smirked right back at him and Fabrizio narrowed his eyes,

“Non sono sicuro se t’ho capito bene. Cosa intendi, una scusa?”

“I meant that I’m used to stronger beer. Back home it tastes different.”

“Se non ti piace, le bevo io.”

“No, it’s fine. It’s just a bit strange. I’ll get used to it.” Mihail grinned at him and took another sip to illustrate his point. Fabrizio nodded at him and took a sip from his own beer.

They sat again for a while in silence, until Fabrizio’s phone squilled, alerting him of a message. He took it out, smiling again at seeing Ermal’s name, and unlocked it.

**[20:42]Ermal:** _How’s it going? Did you manage to completely confuse each other already? :D_

**[20:42]Fabri:** _Actually, it’s going quite well. We’re at a bar. He said the beer’s strange here._

**[20:43]Ermal:** _I’m not surprised. It really tastes differently on the Balkans._

**[20:43]Fabri:** _Well, what do I know, apparently._

_You’re not going to a party tonight?_

**[20:44]Ermal:** _No need, I hear the music from the club downstairs perfectly well. They’re having a 00’s night. And let me tell you, people are going wild at the songs they’re playing._

Fabrizio let out a chuckle and lifted his head to find Mihail smirking at him. At his puzzled expression, the Bulgarian’s smirk widened,

“Texting your girl?”

“Cosa? No! Just my, uh, friend.” Fabrizio could feel his whole face burning with the blush he hoped the other couldn’t see because of the dimmed lights in the bar.

“Sure, if you say so. Your face tells a different thing, though. I’d know, I’m into psychology, after all.” Mihail lifted his beer in a salute, then took a sip, still smirking at Fabrizio. The Italian took a sip in his own turn, trying to hide his embarrassment.

**[20:46]Fabri:** _Isn’t your building made out of bricks? They should cancel out the noise._

**[20:46]Ermal:** _I’ve no idea, actually._

**[20:47]Fabri:** _Well, knock on the wall and you’ll find out._

**[20:47]Ermal:** _I can’t, Jessica will think I’m knocking to get her attention._

Fabrizio blinked at the last text, the smile dying on his lips.

**[20:48]Fabri:** _Who’s that?_

**[20:48]Ermal:** _What, you’re jealous? :D_

Narrowing his eyes, and completely aware of the fact that he had no right whatsoever to overreact, he strengthened his grip on his phone and took a few long sips of his beer.

“What is it? Trouble in paradise?” Mihail actually looked worried, which earned him points in Fabrizio’s book, despite knowing each other for only a few hours.

“No, è tutto a posto.” Fabrizio forced himself to give the other a smile, thought it seemed to not convince him of anything. “It is nothing.” He tried again, with the same result. Fabrizio sighed and turned his attention back towards his phone,

**[20:51]Fabri:** _Of course not. It’s just the first time you’re mentioning her and I’m curious._

**[20:51]Ermal:** _She’s my flatmate from London. And she’s quite nice, showed me around when I arrived._

**[20:51]Fabri:** _Nice, eh? ;)_

He was going to be happy for Ermal; he had no rights over him, they were just friends, he was free to do whatever he wanted with whomever he wanted (repeating this a few times to himself did not make in believable or easier on Fabrizio, though).

**[20:52]Ermal:** _Sure, although she’s not really my type, if that’s what you’re trying to imply with that winky-face._

Fabrizio felt like he could breathe again (he was _not_ jealous, alright?!) and a weak smile found its way back onto his lips.  

**[20:52]Fabri:** _Well, you know what they say: the most beautiful girls always come from the south. ;)_

**[20:53]Ermal** : _Not only girls, people in general. I mean, just look at us! :D_

**[20:53]Fabri:** _My mistake, how could I forget the fact that you’re absolutely gorgeous._

He hoped that that was not going a step too far. Ermal and him gave each other compliments often enough, but never that forward. His anxiety made him lock his phone and leave it on the table, and he reached once more for his beer.

“Are you sure things are fine?” Mihail was obviously worried about him and Fabrizio felt bad about bothering him like this.

“Yes, non preoccupati. E’ solo ‘na cosa che ho detto senza pensare.”

“Okay, if you say so. But know that I’m here for you, alright?” Mihail was smiling at him and Fabrizio nodded at him, gratefully,

“Grazie, anch’io so’ qui per te, se c’hai bisogno.”

They finished their drinks in silence, Fabrizio pointedly ignoring his phone that vibrated a few times, signalling the messages he was receiving. Then, they decided to head back to the apartment, as it had started to get a bit cold outside.

Once home (it was still strange to think of it like this), they quickly prepared for the night and went to bed. Just then Fabrizio gathered enough courage to unlock his phone and see the messages he had received.

**[20:54]Ermal:** _I’m gorgeous? Oh please, have you looked in a mirror? That’s why I hang out with you, to borrow from your attractiveness. :D_

**[20:55]Ermal:** _Fabbri?_

**[20:57]Ermal:** _You know that’s not why I hang out with you, right? I was just joking._

**[21:02]Ermal:** _You’re one of the people that matter most to me, you know that, right?_

**[21:08]Ermal:** _Fabbri, are you okay? Did something happen?_

**[21:13]Ermal:** _Fabrizio, you’re starting to worry me._

Fabrizio felt like an idiot; how could he do this to Ermal?! His stupid anxiety was going to ruin the best friendship he has ever had, and here he was, doing nothing to stop it from happening. He tapped on the text-field and quickly typed an answer,

**[21:26]Fabri:** _I’m so sorry I didn’t answer earlier! Didn’t mean to worry you, everything’s fine, we just got back to the apartment, you didn’t do anything wrong, it’s not your fault, it’s mine, and you matter to me more than you could imagine. I’m so sorry._

**[21:26]Ermal:** _It’s fine, it’s not your fault, it happens. You were probably on your way back home._

_Are you alright?_

**[21:27]Fabri:** _Yes, I’m perfectly fine. I’m sorry I worried you._

**[21:27]Ermal:** _Don’t think about it._

_So, turns out the building is not actually made out of bricks._

Fabrizio let out a relieved sigh, smiling at Ermal’s attempt to get him to talk about something else, to make him feel better again; he was so glad he had him in his life.

**[21:28]Fabri:** _That’s strange. They love using bricks up there in England. How come your building’s an exception?_

**[21:28]Ermal:** _No idea. Maybe because we’re students and we’re supposed to get used to cheap not-so-nice things? :D_

**[21:29]Fabri:** _Maybe. :D_

_Aren’t you tired, though? Given that last night you partied and couldn’t sleep it off properly this morning, I’m sure you must be dying._

**[21:29]Ermal:** _It’s still only 20:30._

_And with that music, I’m not sure I’ll be able to sleep even if I wanted to._

**[21:30]Fabri:** _I keep forgetting about the time zones ;(_

_Seriously though, try to sleep more tonight, don’t over-exhaust yourself. We both know what happens when you do._

**[21:30]Ermal:** _It was an accident! And I’ll sleep enough, don’t worry._

_Maybe you should, too. Who knows how exhausted you are from the effort to speak and understand English? :D_

**[21:31]Fabri:** _Ehi, I was doing completely fine!_

_Though, yeah, I’m surprisingly tired._

_Probably because I spent hours trying to navigate the university website -.-_

_Seriously, who designs these sites? I got a headache trying to find my way about it!_

**[21:32]Ermal:** _Yeah, I know what you mean. As I said: as students we don’t get nice things. :D_

**[21:32]Fabri:** _;(_

_I’m sorry, but I’m falling asleep with the phone in my hand. I’ll have to leave you._

_Goodnight, Ermal._

**[21:33]Ermal:** _Goodnight, Fabbri. Don’t over-exhaust yourself! ;p_

**[21:33]Fabri:** _Stronzo._

With a smile, Fabrizio locked his phone and left it on his bedside table. He buried himself deeper into the cocoon he had made out of his cover (the North was cold, alright?!) and closed his eyes; he was happy that things were fine with Ermal, he couldn’t begin to imagine what life would be without him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:
> 
> “Ehy, so’ Fabrizio, piacere mio.” - Hey, I'm Fabrizio, the pleasure's all mine. 
> 
> “Guarda, io l’inglese non lo parlo bene, ma capisco, più o meno. Spero che tu lo sai l’italiano, sennò ce ne avremo un problema.” - Look, I don't speak English that well, but I understand, more or less. I hope you know Italian, because otherwise we're going to have a problem.
> 
> “Eh, so solo un pochissimo di italiano, mi dispiace. Parli un’altra lingua? Tedesco? Russo?” - Uh, I know only a little Italian, I'm sorry. Do you speak another language? German? Russian?
> 
> “No, mi spiace, però so un po’ di spagnolo.” - No, I'm sorry, however I know a bit of spanish.
> 
> “Мале, не знам как ще се разберем тогава.“ (Male, ne znam kak shte se razberem togava) - Mamma, I've no idea how we're going to understand each other./Mamma, non lo so come ci capiremo allora. (because the intonation and tonality are much more similar in Bulgarian and Italian, than they are in English)
> 
> “Ma tu di dove sei?” - Where are you from?
> 
> “Della Bulgaria. E tu sei italiano, no?” - From Bulgaria. And you're Italian, right? 
> 
> “Certo. Sei studente?” - Sure. Are you a student?
> 
> “Anch’io, ma studierò architettura.” - Me too, but I'll be studying architecture. 
> 
> “Ottimo, allora andiamo.” - Great, let's go then.
> 
> “Che c’è? Non bevi della birra?” - What's up? You don't drink beer?
> 
> “Non sono sicuro se t’ho capito bene. Cosa intendi, una scusa?” - I'm not sure I understood you well. What do you mean, an excuse? 
> 
> “Se non ti piace, le bevo io.” - If you don't like it, I'll drink it. 
> 
> "E’ solo ‘na cosa che ho detto senza pensare.” - It's just a thing I said without thinking. 
> 
> “Grazie, anch’io so’ qui per te, se c’hai bisogno.” - Thank you, I'm here for you too, if you need it.


	3. III

**[21:43]Ermal:** _What did you do today, how are you?_

**[21:43]Fabri:** _Absolutely nothing, not very well._

_And you? How was it, did you manage to survive the day packed with lectures? :D_

**[21:43]Ermal:** _Why ‘not very well’? ;(_

**[21:44]Fabri:** _Because I’ve not been productive at all in the last few days, I have absolutely nothing to do, I don’t know anybody in the whole city, and I can’t even communicate with my roommates because we don’t speak the same language and I don’t understand half the things they’re telling me, and I can’t even respond to them, and I just want university to start already before I go mad._

_What did you do today?_

_What happened with that professor who was supposedly Albanian? Is he really? :D_

**[21:45]Ermal:** _Woah, that really sucks. But right now you don’t really have to be productive, make the best of the final days of vacation you have, and when you start university you’re going to get to know so many new people._

_And you’ll learn English. :D_

**[21:46]Fabri:** _But you know I can’t stay unproductive, I’m dying like that! :D_

**[21:46]Ermal:** _Oh, please, you’ll be fine. :D And it’s just for a few more days, you’ll be begging for free time later!_

_As for the professor, yes, he really is Albanian, but has lived in the UK for 22 years. He’s really cool, seems to care about us and our well-being._

**[21:47]Fabri:** _It’s good to have someone like that, you’d know to whom to turn for help._

**[21:47]Ermal:** _Yeah, he said that he’s a father and his children were also going abroad now, so he knows how our parents feel and will do his best to help us._

**[21:48]Fabri:** _And on top of that, he’s Albanian, he has to have some compassion for you :D_

**[21:48]Ermal:** _Yeah, suuuure :D_

_Ah, today I also met with my peer mentors. One of them is from Poland, the other from India, and they seem really great._

_Also there was free pizza <3_

_Obviously not as good as the one at home, but it was still something._

_And when I told the Polish guy that I was from Italy, he said ‘No waaaaay! I live with five Italians and they make the greatest parties ever!’ :D:D He also said I should definitely go, and that’s exactly what I’m going to do tomorrow._

**[21:49]Fabri:** _Yes, you definitely should! You’ve yet to meet any Italians there, it’s about time! :D_

_What else did you do today?_

**[21:50]Ermal:** _Well, in the morning I had a Modern English seminar, where I met this really nice British girl. Then, I had Beginner Russian, from which I’ve yet to understand all, but wasn’t as terrifying as I expected, and the lector dismissed us earlier, so I went back home for lunch (perks of living on campus :D)._

_In the afternoon, I had Linguistics, where we played a game in which each of us presented our native language and the others had to decipher what we were saying, so that was really fun, because no one knew Albanian :D_

_Then I went home and had to cook with one of my flatmates, but couldn’t since I had to go to the meeting with the peer mentors, which was on a field in a massive tent, where we simply sat, spoke with each other and ate pizza, while they were giving us tips._

_After that, I went home and spoke with my mum for a while, and got a bit tense, because she kept insisting that I should buy plane tickets for before the vacation starts, because they’d be cheaper then._

_And yeah, that was pretty much about it._

_Oh, the lector in Linguistic started the lecture with a meme :D Wait, I’ll send it to you._

* _attached image file_ *

**[21:52]Fabri:** _Ahaha, I wish my lectors are like that too._

_Also, wow, you’re so busy, how are you even managing it all?_

**[21:52]Ermal:** _I have no idea. :D_

_I have to go out, though, I’ve just been asked to go for cocktails with my flatmates._

_But I’ll still be writing to you, don’t worry._

**[21:53]Fabri:** _No, you don’t have to! Let me be, I’m not going anywhere, you should give your attention to them! It’s important to socialise with them now._

**[21:53]Ermal:** _It’s fine, I can do both things at once!_

_Besides, you’re more important than them!_

**[21:54]Fabri:** _Multi-tasker. :D_

**[21:54]Ermal:** _I have to be. :D_

_I forgot my wallet in the room of one of my flatmates, with my key-card for the building inside :D Good thing Jessica’s there to open the door!_

**[21:55]Fabri:** _Be careful with that wallet, who knows if they’d give it back to you, if you were to forget it somewhere else._

_And yey for Jessica! :D_

**[23:18]Ermal:** _The club’s rather nice, more than I expected._

_The cocktail is five pounds, but today they have a two for one, so it’s fine._

**[23:18]Fabri:** _Just don’t go overboard with it, you have lectures tomorrow. :D_

_By the way._

_If you still haven’t gotten tickets for Christmas, you can pass through here._

_So we can go home together from here._

**[23:19]Ermal:** _Calm down, I drank just one.:D_

_As for the tickets, the direct ones have gotten even more expensive, so going through your place first seems like a better option._

_If you’ll agree to let me stay at your place, that is. :D_

**[23:20]Fabri:** _You don’t even have to ask, just come!!!_

**[23:20]Ermal:** _I’ll be knocking on your front door with my luggage in my hand. :D_

**[23:21]Fabri:** _I’ll be really happy to see you!_

**[23:21]Ermal:** _Really?_

**[23:22]Fabri:** _Absolutely!_

**[00:24]Ermal:** _When are you coming to visit me, I miss you._

**[00:24]Fabri:** _I miss you too._

_I looked at the tickets for this month today, but they’re a bit expensive._

**[00:25]Ermal:** _;( ;( ;(_

**[00:25]Fabri:** _I’ll see when I have free days on the academic calendar tomorrow and we’ll see what we’re going to do._

**[00:25]Ermal:** _Okay ;(_

**[00:26]Fabri:** _Come now, it’s just two months and something until Christmas!_

_And being busy with university, we won’t even notice the time passing!_

**[00:26]Ermal:** _I hope you’re right._

_Why aren’t you asleep, by the way? Isn’t it after midnight back home?_

**[00:27]Fabri:** _Yes. But I’m texting you, so it doesn’t matter._

_Also, I got up at 10 today, so. :D_

**[00:27]Ermal:** _If it’s because of me, go to bed this instant!!!_

**[00:28]Fabri:** _Oh, please! And why aren’t you sleeping? You’re the one who has lectures tomorrow!_

**[00:28]Ermal:** _I was outside, for cocktails and billiard. :D_

**[00:28]Fabri:** _Yeah, I know. :D_

_You’re socialising, so you’re allowed to stay up. :D_

_And by the way, I’m in bed, just not asleep yet._

**[00:29]Ermal:** _Okay, then, wait for me to get to bed as well, because otherwise I’d be too lazy to do it later._

**[00:29]Fabri:** _Yeah, sure, go ahead._

**[00:37]Fabri:** _I’m sorry, but I don’t think I’ll hold on much longer, I’m falling asleep with the phone in my hand.  :D_

_Goodnight, Ermal. I’ll text you tomorrow._

**[00:43]Ermal:** _Until tomorrow, Fabbri._

***

**[13:49]Fabri:** _I checked when I have free days. Do 7, 8, 9 December work for you? Because:_

_* attached image file*_

_25 euro total in both directions._

_Prepare your extra bed._

**[13:50]Ermal:** _oOo_

_That’s practically for free!!!_

_Buy them!!!_

**[13:51]Fabri:** _I’m buying them._

**[13:51]Ermal:** _YES!!!_

_By the way, you should know that I don’t have an air-mattress, and if you don’t want to share a very narrow bed, you should bring something :D_

**[13:52]Fabri:** _We’ll figure it out when we get there._

**[13:52]Ermal:** _Okay, just letting you know. :D_

**[13:58]Fabri:** _IT IS DONE!!!_

_WE WILL SEE EACH OTHER ON THE 7 TH!!!_

**[13:58]Ermal:** _YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES_

**[13:59]Fabri:** _I CAN’T WAIT_

_I FEEL LIKE CRYING_

_I’M SO HAPPY_

**[13:59]Ermal** : _I KNOOOOOOOOW_

_ME TOO_

_Also, I’m going to pass through your place when I fly back home for Christmas, so we’ll see each other again very soon after your visit!_

**[14:00]Fabri:** _I’m counting the days!_

**[14:00]Ermal:** _You’re not the only one, trust me!_

_Oops, I’m running late for the meeting with the guy who’s selling me the textbooks. :D_

_I’ll text you when I come back._

**[14:01]Fabri:** _I have to go get some food from the market, either way, so until later._

**[15:17]Ermal:** * _attached image file_ *

_They’re more than the whole series of A Song of Ice and Fire and The Lord of the Rings together._

_I gave 155 pounds for them._

_I feel like crying._

**[15:18]Fabri:** _I have no idea what’s inside, but just looking at the covers makes me get a headache._

**[15:18]Ermal:** _I can’t even lift them up! ;(_

**[15:19]Fabri:** _I’m sure you’ll be fine. You survived German in high school, after all!_

**[15:19]Ermal:** _German wasn’t that bad! You should’ve taken it, too, now you’d speak it!_

**[15:20]Fabri:** _Yeah, right, as much as I speak English after taking it for years, sure._

**[15:20]Ermal:** _You never know._

_And I’m also running very late for a lecture._

**[15:21]Fabri:** _Wow, again? :D Good luck!_

**[15:21]Ermal:** _I think I’ll need it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can December come faster, please?


	4. IV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Translations in the End Notes.

It had started raining ten minutes ago and to say that Fabrizio was not happy would be an understatement. He had finally decided to go out today, visit the Royal Palace Gallery and the Modern Art Museum, but the rain had successfully killed his mood for that. That’s why he was currently cocooned up in his bed with a book in his hand and a sour expression on his face, while Mihail and Jonas (their Austrian flatmate, who had arrived the day before) were holding a conversation in German in the other room, of which Fabrizio could not understand even a single word, and that only served to worsen his mood.

His phone squilled, alerting him of a received text, and he sighed, closing his book and sitting up a bit in the bed.

**[12:50]Ermal:** _How’s the weather down there? :D_

If his mood hadn’t been that bad, he’d laugh at Ermal’s text. What, was he a mind-reader now?

**[12:50]Fabri:** _It’s raining. ;(_

_Is it like that in England, too?_

**[12:51]Ermal:** _And how are you holding up?_

_Yeah, it’s raining here too, but it’s fine because I’m warm in my room and they’ve turned up the heating!_

**[12:51]Fabri** : _All you’re missing is a cup of tea, then._

**[12:51]Ermal:** _I was just about to make myself one, actually._

_How are you, though? You’re hiding under your blanket, aren’t you?_

**[12:52]Fabri:** _I’m not hiding! I’m just keeping warm, and also reading, thank you very much!_

_As the rain has destroyed all my plans for the day, there’s little else I can do. -.-_

**[12:52]Ermal:** _Why don’t you hang out with your flatmates, then?_

**[12:53]Fabri:** _Because they’re talking to each other in German and I have no idea how that works, as you know. -.-_

**[12:53]Ermal:** _Do you want me to translate for you, then?_

**[12:53]Fabri:** _Thank you, but no, that’ll be really awkward._

_I should’ve just listened to you and taken German all those years ago._

**[12:54]Ermal:** _I’m not going to say anything to that. :D_

**[12:54]Fabri:** _You better not._

**[12:54]Ermal:** _What plans did you have for today, anyway? Why can’t you still do it?_

**[12:55]Fabri** : _I was going to visit one of the galleries and the Modern Art Museum, but now I’m not so sure I want to anymore._

**[12:55]Ermal:** _The Modern Art Museum? But you don’t like modern art, how so?_

**[12:56]Fabri:** _The building is a mixture of the Traditional style and the High-Tech style, and you know that this is exactly what I want to do after I graduate, so I thought it’d be nice to see it from the inside, too. And I like modern architecture, so._

**[12:56]Ermal:** _You can still go, though. Why does it matter so much that it’s raining? You’ll just take the metro and be right there._

**[12:57]Fabri:** _Yeah, but what if I get sick on the way? I can’t let that happen right before university starts, that would be immensely stupid._

**[12:57]Ermal:** _You won’t get sick. Just dress warmly enough, then have a hot shower when you come back and a cup of tea afterwards, and you’ll be fine._

**[12:58]Fabri:** _And what if I’m not fine?_

**[12:58]Ermal:** _Fabbri, you worry too much. It’ll be fine, trust me._

Fabrizio sighed; he knew that Ermal was right, the possibility of him getting sick was really low; but then again, what if?

**[12:59]Ermal:** _Stop overthinking and go out._

That succeeded in drawing a chuckle out of Fabrizio; Ermal knew him way too well.

**[13:00]Fabri:** _Okay, fine, but if something happens, then it would be entirely your fault._

**[13:00]Ermal:** _Fine, just go._

**[13:00]Fabri:** _Fine._

With that, he got up from his bed, made it more or less decently, dressed up (making sure to put two layers on, just in case), collected his stuff, and made for the front door.

“Io esco, a dopo.” He nodded at his flatmates, and Mihail nodded back, thankfully understanding him, while Jonas looked at him confusedly, until Mihail translated to him what Fabrizio had said.

“Ah, tschüss.“  Jonas smiled at him then, and Fabrizio was a second away from telling him ‘ _bless you_ ’, but then decided it was just a greeting in German or something, and smiled back, then went out of the door.

If he was being entirely honest, it wasn’t raining that hard. That didn’t make it better, though, so he opened his umbrella and made his way to the metro. Which was full of people. It was Saturday, what were they all doing out now? He sighed, stuffing himself in the full train, trying not to touch anyone and not be touched in turn (and succeeded, more or less), and as soon as he reached the right station, made his way out as fast as possible.

Luckily, the gallery and the museum were right next to each other, so he wouldn’t have to go far after he was done with one.

He made his way to the gallery first, where there was an exhibition on Carlo Carrà’s artworks. Well, seems like today would be all about modern art, then.

An hour and something later, he walked out of the gallery, pleasantly surprised that he had rather enjoyed himself. Then, he directed himself towards the Modern Art Museum, his main goal for the day.

And yes, the exhibitions were somewhat interesting, but _the building_! Fabrizio regretted not bringing his sketchbook with him, because he would have loved to make a study on it. Maybe some other time, after all he would be spending the next few years here.

Two hours and something later of him giving more attention to the architectural elements than the exhibitions (which earned him some really weirded-out looks from the other visitors and the museum curators, but he couldn’t care less), he was walking out of the museum with a smile on his face, which became even brighter when he saw that it was no longer raining. So, instead of going right into the metro tunnel, he decided to see the Museum from all sides first.

After ten more minutes and about fifteen pictures taken with his phone (the second best thing he had to his sketchbook), Fabrizio finally went into the metro and back towards the apartment. Once home, he greeted Jonas, who was watching tv in the living room, and then Mihail, who was cooking something that smelled really nice, and went to his room, quickly changing into more comfortable clothes, and then took out his phone.

**[18:23]Fabri:** * _attached twenty-seven image files_ *

_I’m glad I listened to you and actually went out._

**[18:23]Ermal:** _You’re welcome._

_I find it very funny how you’ve absolutely ignored the exhibitions in your photos and only filmed the building itself._

_The picture where you’ve cut the sculpture in half to be better able to take a photo of the columns and windows is my favourite._

**[18:24]Fabri:** _It’s not that the exhibitions weren’t interesting. You just know how I am._

**[18:24]Ermal:** _I do, and that’s exactly why I like you so much._

Fabrizio blushed furiously at that text; Ermal couldn’t mean it in _that_ way, could he?  

**[18:24]Ermal:** _Otherwise I wouldn’t be hanging out with you, you know?_

Ah, then, not in _that_ way. Fabrizio felt a pang in his chest, but did his best to ignore it, as he knew that it wasn’t fair of him; Ermal was his best friend, _nothing_ more, and he should do well to remember that (as hard as it was sometimes, especially when Ermal laughed, with that care-free laugh of his, that made his whole face brighten up and… _no_ , stop!).

**[18:25]Fabri:** _Of course I do._

_And what did you do while I was out?_

Yes, that was okay, that way he wasn’t going to say something stupid and ruin their friendship.

**[18:26]Ermal:** _Well, almost nothing. I washed my clothes in the room with the laundromats in the basement and had to go downstairs a few times, because the first time I forgot the code of my card, then I realised there were no free machines, then because I had to move the clothes in the dryer, and then to get the clothes up to my room. So, that was an adventure. :D_

_Then I read a chapter and a half from one of my text-books, after that I played a bit on the guitar, then watched an episode of that series you insisted so much that I see (not that bad, by the way, it has potential). And in half an hour we’re going to go to the city for dinner and drinks._

**[18:27]Fabri:** _How can you define that as doing almost nothing, look at how much you’ve done!_

**[18:27]Ermal:** _Well, for only a single day, it’s nothing, but I’m not complaining, it’s some rest, at least. :D_

**[18:28]Fabri:** _So, for you to say that you’ve done something, you must not have ten free minutes in the whole day, is that it? :D_

**[18:29]Ermal:** _Nooo, why would you think that? :D_

**[18:29]Fabri** : _Probably because I know you? :D_

**[18:30]Ermal:** _To be entirely honest, I don’t count watching a series and playing music as that much of an activity._

**[18:30]Fabri:** _How can you say that?! They are essential parts of the day! :D_

**[18:31]Ermal:** _Sure, whatever you say. :D_

_Also, I’ve yet to go out, so you’ve beaten me on that front. :D_

**[18:31]Fabri:** _You just said you’d be heading out for dinner._

**[18:32]Ermal:** _Yeah, but I don’t know if that’s such a good idea in the end, given that temperatures will be around 3 degrees tonight. :D_

**[18:32]Fabri:** _3 DEGREES?!?!?!?_

**[18:33]Ermal:** _Yeah, it’s strange, because the weather got suddenly very cold today, and tomorrow it will be fine again._    

**[18:33]Fabri:** _Don’t forget your coat and a pullover underneath, then._

**[18:34]Ermal:** _Ugh, okay, mum. :D_

_I just hope we won’t get lost this time, because it’s really not the nicest night to do that on. :D_

**[18:34]Fabri:** _I take it you still haven’t gotten familiar with the town? :D_

**[18:35]Ermal:** _I’ve actually walked around a lot and have been to a lot of places. The problem for me is my lack of orientation and the fact that even if I realise I’ve been to a place before, I have no idea how to get there. :D_

**[18:35]Fabri:** _Oh, please, I know all about your lack of orientation, I’ve suffered from it first-hand. :D:D_

_And you’ll get used to it, it’s been only two weeks, after all._

_Just make sure you get to know your way about it well enough before December, otherwise we’ll have to open GoogleMaps again. :D_

**[18:36]Ermal:** _Oh, we’ll definitely be opening them, there’s no doubt about it. :D_

**[18:36]Fabri:** _Come now, have more trust in yourself._

**[18:37]Ermal:** _Please, I know myself. :D_

**[18:37]Fabri:** _Exactly, that’s why you’ll get used to it._

_You’re fine at home._

**[18:38]Ermal:** _Not really, no. And given that fact that I’ve lived there for more than five years, that really says something. :D_

_I have to get going now, though. Goodnight, Fabbri._

**[18:38]Fabri:** _Goodnight, have a nice time._

Fabrizio left his phone on his nightstand with a smile and decided it was time to go get some dinner as well. The fact that whatever Mihail was cooking smelled wonderful did not make him any less hungry. So, as he walked into the kitchen, instead of a greeting, he said,

“Ooh, ma che odore benissimo!”

Mihail smiled at him, clearly satisfied with himself,

“Thank you. It’s called mussakà and it’s a half-Bulgarian half-Greek dish. I cooked way too much, so you can have some too, if you want?”

“Davvero?”

“Yeah, sure, I don’t see why not.”

“Grazie. Ti serve ‘na mano?”

“Sorry, what?”

“Eh, help?” Fabrizio gestured to the products in front of them and Mihail seemed to understand (thankfully).

“Oh, no, no, it’s fine, I’m almost done, anyway! You can go ask Jonas if he wants some, too, though.”

“Vabbè.”

Easier said than done, though, because Fabrizio had no idea how to ask him that. He wasn’t even going to try with German, as he knew nothing in it; English wasn’t an option, too, as he wasn’t sure how true exactly the sentence in his head was; so, Italian it would be, then. He went to the living room, where Jonas was still watching tv, and got his attention,

“Ehy, Mihail sta cucinando e ha detto che noi due possiamo mangiare di ciò che sta preparando. Ti va?”

“Entschuldige mich, aber ich hab nichts davon verstanden, das du gesagt hast.“ Jonas‘ expression was just as confused as Fabrizio felt at that moment; the damned language barrier!

“Dinner with Mihail and I?” Fabrizio tried again, and this time Jonas seemed to understand him, as he grinned,

“Ja, natürlich! Danke!“

“Figurati.” Fabrizio smiled back at him, relieved that they had understood each other in the end, and went back to the kitchen to tell Mihail.

“Lui mangia con noi.”

Mihail turned to him with a satisfied “ _great_ ” and Fabrizio went on to make the table.

The dish turned out to be really delicious and Fabrizio gave his compliments to Mihail, who smiled, very satisfied, and promised to make it again. They didn’t talk much during dinner, but Fabrizio was sure that once they got used to each other and he learned some more English, things would go better from then on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations: 
> 
> “Io esco, a dopo.” - I'm going out, see you later.
> 
> “Ah, tschüss.“ - Ah, bye.
> 
> “Ooh, ma che odore benissimo!” - Ooh, what a nice smell!
> 
> “Grazie. Ti serve ‘na mano?” - Thank you. Do you need a hand / some help?
> 
> “Ehy, Mihail sta cucinando e ha detto che noi due possiamo mangiare di ciò che sta preparando. Ti va?” - Hey, Mihail is cooking and said that we can eat from whatever he's making. Do you want to?
> 
> “Entschuldige mich, aber ich hab nichts davon verstanden, das du gesagt hast.“ - I'm sorry but I didn't understand anything from what you've said. 
> 
> “Lui mangia con noi.” - He'll eat with us.


	5. V

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry it's taken so long for me to update! I'm kind of busy with university and have no idea when I'll have time to update again, but I have not abandoned this, trust me!   
> (Tmw hai un parziale nel pomeriggio ma decidi che scrivere una fic nella stessa mattina è un'idea buonissima.. boh, ho studiato per tre giorni successivi quindi speriamo che faccio almeno 25)
> 
> The crossed-out texts are the ones Fabrizio deleted/didn't send (I couldn't figure out how else to take a look at his thoughts without writing whole paragraphs for which I had no time, so I hope it works this way).

**[21:39]Ermal:** _What’s up? What did you have for dinner?_

**[21:39]Fabri:** _Left-overs from the pasta I had for lunch. You?_

**[21:40]Ermal:** _Potatoes with broccoli and two types of cheese._

**[21:40]Fabri:** _Oh, wow, how fancy! :D_

**[21:40]Ermal:** _Yeah, like never. :D_

**[21:41]Fabri:** _Come now, the important thing is that you cooked and weren’t lazy not to do it._

**[21:41]Ermal:** _Yeah, most people here just stick something half-fabricated into the microwave and I’m like eeeeeewwww._

_And they’re always asking me how I can always be cooking._

_And I get such weirded-out looks when I don’t buy a frozen pizza, but only the dough and then make it myself._

**[21:42]Fabri:** _What do they know. You’re doing well, educating them on how it’s done. :D_

**[21:42]Ermal:** _Yeah, like I know how one’s supposed to feed one’s self, pffff. :D_

**[21:42]Fabri:** _Of course you do. You should write one of those books about ‘the best way to feed yourself’ too. :D_

**[21:43]Ermal:** _Ahaha, yeah, right, I don’t eat healthily enough for that._

_And besides, if I were ever to write a book, it would not be about food, as much as I may love it. :D_

**[21:43]Fabri:** _And what would it be about?_

**[21:43]Ermal:** _I’m not sure. Maybe just a diary of thoughts. Maybe some rhymes._

**[21:44]Fabri:** _Whatever you decide to write, I would love to read anything._

_You know your way with words better than anyone else ~~, and I love this about you indescribably.~~_

_I bet you have more than 10 ideas already!_

**[21:45]Ermal:** _Thank you. If I were to write anything, you’d be the first to read it._

**[21:45]Fabri:** _You have no idea how happy that makes me. ~~I’m grinning like an idiot because of you, of everything you do, always, only at the thought of you. My happiness depends on you. You are my reason to smile.~~_

**[21:46]Ermal:** _And, no, actually, I don’t have any ideas. :D_

**[21:46]Fabri:** _I don’t believe you._

**[21:46]Ermal:** _Trust me, If I had, I’d already have written them. :D_

**[21:47]Fabri** : _Well, it doesn’t work like that, one needs time!_

_And who’s to say you’re not working on it now and simply don’t want to tell me, eh?_

**[21:47]Ermal:** _Yeah, I wish. I told you, I don’t really have ideas._

**[21:48]Fabri:** _One has to have come to you at some point!_

**[21:48]Ermal:** _Not really._

_Does that mean it has come to you, though?_

**[21:48]Fabri:** _~~Yes, about how much I miss you, how I wish you were here with me, that you hadn’t left~~ No, not really. Besides, now I need ideas in the field of architecture, not text-writing. :D _

**[21:49]Ermal:** _Yes, but I know you’re always full of them and will do well, so no need for you to worry about any of it._

**[21:49]Fabri** : _Sure, but the ideas I have aren’t really compatible with the assignment I got. ;(_

**[21:49]Ermal:** _Give it time. What were you saying to me that one time, that you get inspired by discovering a new building in the city? Well, go out and discover it! The city is big enough and I’m sure there’re parts you don’t even know exist!_

**[21:50]Fabri:** _How do you remember that, I said it more than four years ago! ~~I feel like I’m unable to breathe every time you do something thoughtful like this. You’re too perfect. How do I deserve you?~~_

**[21:50]Ermal:** _I remember most of what you’ve told me. And that’s important, because it’s something you’ve said, something you’re passionate about, an essential part of you. So of course I’d make sure to remember it._

**[21:50]Fabri:** _~~You’re making me fall in lo-~~ So, it’s like you with the people-watching? You’ve told me that inspires you, before._

**[21:51]Ermal:** _See, you remember, too!_

**[21:51]Fabri:** _Of course I do, I always listen to you when you speak ~~no matter what you’re saying, even your voice is enough for me.~~_

**[21:51]Ermal:** _I know. And I’m grateful, because you’re one of the very few who do._

**[21:52]Fabri:** _Well, it’s a loss for all the rest that don’t, to hell with them! They don’t deserve your attention either way._

**[21:52]Ermal:** _Ahaha, you make it sound like my attention is a hard-obtainable treasure._

**[21:52]Fabri:** _~~To me it is.~~ Don’t underestimate yourself like this._

**[21:53]Ermal:** _I’m being realistic._

_Fabbri, I’m going to have to go, since I promised I’d be going to the city with the others for drinks. We’ll text tomorrow, yes?_

**[21:53]Fabri:** _Of course, ~~texting’s the only thing I have of you now, I won’t miss it for the world~~ have fun!_

**[21:53]Ermal:** _Thank you, goodnight, Fabbri! ;*_

**[21:54]Fabri:** _Goodnight, Ermal. ; * ~~I wish you were here for me to give you a proper kiss, not just that damned digitalised version of it, though I don’t know if you’d welcome it, so perhaps this way it’s better~~_

***

**[15:42]Fabri:** _I did the check-in for the flight to England!!!_

**[15:42]Ermal:** _Yeeees, I can’t wait!!!_

**[15:43]Fabri:** _Me neither!_

_Though I still haven’t found an air-mattress, despite going to five different places to search for it._

**[15:43]Ermal** : _Don’t worry, we’ll manage. I think that we can share the bed for two nights, it’s not that narrow._

_Okay, maybe a bit, but those are details. :D_

**[15:44]Fabri:** _Don’t be stupid, it’s enough that I won’t be paying for the overnight stay, I’m not going to take up space in your own bed ~~even though I find it harder and harder to say no to that offer, but I don’t know if I’d be able to control myself if I accept, so it is better not to.~~_

**[15:44]Ermal:** _Of course you wouldn’t be paying for your stay, you’ll be a guest!!!_

**[15:45]Fabri:** _Okay, if you’re saying it like that, fine then! :D_

_Did you learn your way about the city, by the way? Are you still getting lost? :D_

**[15:45]Ermal:** _Well, the city isn’t that big, and it’s so nice just to walk around and not finding yourself who-knows-where, so it’s all fine._

**[15:46]Fabri:** _Is this your way of saying ‘Yes, I still get lost, but it’s okay, the city is pretty enough to distract you while I open GoogleMaps’? :D_

**[15:46]Ermal** : _…no?_

**[15:46]Fabri:** _Aahahaha, you know you don’t have to distract me, right? I know you well enough to have an idea about your navigation skills._

**[15:47]Ermal:** _I just don’t want to disappoint you._

**[15:47]Fabri:** _You never could. Trust me, there is no one else I’d rather get lost with._

**[15:47]Ermal:** _Yes, me too. When you’re with me, I feel like we can take on the world._

**[15:48]Fabri:** _~~I would take on the world for you without thinking twice~~ I feel exactly the same._

**[15:48]Ermal:** _I imagined us like characters from The Lord of the Rings, going on a quest through Middle Earth. :D_

**[15:48]Fabri:** _You’d make a great elf. :D_

**[15:49]Ermal:** _And you’d be a perfect Aragorn. Thought better looking, if I’m being honest._

**[15:49]Fabri:** _Ahahaha, I wish!_

**[15:49]Ermal:** _Stop it, Fabbri! I’d kill to have a face like yours._

**[15:50]Fabri:** _Why though? You’re way too beautiful to want another face. ~~I’ve spent so many hours memorising it, repressing the urge to keep caressing it, to explore it with my lips instead of my fingertips, and every time you smile, you take my breath away, you’re ethereal~~_

**[15:50]Ermal** : _Aw, you’re making me blush._

_Aren’t you at a lecture, by the way?_

[15:51]Fabri: _Yes, and I should probably start paying proper attention but you’re more entertaining ~~and I miss you way too much~~._

**[15:51]Ermal:** _Is that all I’m to you, entertainment? :D_

**[15:52]Fabri:** _~~You’re the world to me~~ Sure you are. :D_

**[15:52]Ermal:** _Well, look at that entertainment go away, because he’s concerned about you doing well in your courses. Concentrate, Fabbri, we’ll text later._

**[15:53]Fabri:** _Fine, but it’s not my fault I already know these things and I’m kind of bored._

**[15:53]Ermal:** _Concentrate.  I want to see your notes afterwards._

**[15:54]Fabri:** _Asshole. :D_

**[15:54]Ermal** : _This is what I get for caring about you? :D:D:D Turn off your phone and pay attention._

**[15:55]Fabri** : _Fine._

***

**[20:38]Ermal:** _I’m currently running on 3 hours of sleep and 2 cups of coffee, I have no idea how I’m alive, and now we’re going for cocktails :D And I have a lecture in 10 in the morning tomorrow :D_

**[20:38]Fabri:** _Go get some sleep, forget about the cocktails. :D_

**[20:39]Ermal:** _I’m making my life harder myself but I enjoy it._

_And no, I’ll sleep when I graduate! (I didn’t want to use “when I die” :D:D:D)_

**[20:39]Fabri:** _You won’t be dying soon, so. And you’re graduating in just a few years._

**[20:40]Ermal** : _That’s true._

_What are you doing now?_

**[20:40]Fabri:** _I went to bed because I didn’t know what to do._

**[20:41]Ermal:** _This early?! Well, sleep is important! (Look who’s saying it, ahaha)_

_I had a cup of coffee an hour ago and at one moment the caffeine hits me, at another it’s the fatigue._

_It’s like I’m drunk._

_Let’s see what’s going to happen when we add some alcohol. An experiment! :D_

**[20:42]Fabri** : _Ermal no. :D_

**[20:42]Ermal** : _Ermal yes!_

**[20:43]Fabri** : _Just be careful with the quantity, please._

_Is there someone to get you home afterwards?_

**[20:43]Ermal** : _Yeah, sure, Jess is with me._

**[20:44]Fabri** : _Okay, good. But still, be careful._   

**[20:44]Ermal** : _I promise._

***

**[15:07]Fabri:** _Okay maybe the two cups of coffee one immediately after the other at lunch weren’t the best idea I’ve had. :D_

**[15:07]Ermal:** _Well, all the love for coffee, so :D_

_But next time, maybe have a slight pause between the two cups. :D_

**[15:08]Fabri** : _Maybe just one would’ve been enough. I just forgot that the effect wasn’t immediate._

_And because I got up at lunch and had to start making the little models… I kind of needed the waking up. :D_

**[15:08]Ermal** : _I know what you mean. For the four weeks I’ve been here, I’ve finished a whole box of instant coffee._

**[15:09]Fabri** : _That’s a bit too much. Maybe replace it with some green or black tea._

_Not that there’s much of a difference, the caffeine is still there. :D_

**[15:09]Ermal:** _Exactly, it’s the same. And why do you think I haven’t been drinking black tea? :D_

**[15:10]Fabri:** _It was wrong of me to underestimate you. :D_

_Why are you drinking instant coffee thought? That thing sucks._

**[15:10]Ermal** : _Because it’s ‘instant’ and I don’t really have time in the morning, as you know. :D_

**[15:11]Fabri:** _That’s your own fault for getting up at the last minute when you know too well how much time you take to get ready. :D_

**[15:11]Ermal** : _At least I put some effort in what I look like and not just put on the first thing that my eyes fall on._

**[15:12]Fabri** : _Ehy, I’m not that terrible!_

**[15:12]Ermal** : _Yeah, well, okay, somehow all the chaos suits you. I envy you sometimes._

**[15:13]Fabri** : _You shouldn’t. I’m going to quote Chiara from our high school: ‘you’re sex on legs’._

**[15:13]Ermal:** _Ahahha, yeah sure. And, please, remind me how many people have said that about you? Do you want me to make a list? I don’t think a page would be enough._

**[15:14]Fabri:** _They’re all blind, they should’ve focused on you instead ~~though maybe I would’ve murdered them all just for daring to look at you suggestively, so it’s probably for the best.~~_

**[15:14]Ermal** : _Suuuuure._

_Don’t you have models to make?_

**[15:14]Fabri** : _Oh, yes, right. Text to you later._

**[15:15]Ermal:** _Have fun._

***

**[02:01]Ermal:** _By the way, the Friday you’re visiting, there’ll be a Christmas party, if you want we can go._

**[02:02]Fabri:** _Sure, I’m curious how people party in the UK. :D_

**[02:02]Ermal:** _Only if you want though, it’s not a problem for me to miss it._

_Even if as a hall representative I have free access. :D_

**[02:03]Fabri:** _Ooo, look at you, with all the connections. :D_

_Of course I want to!_

**[02:03]Ermal:** _Great!_

_Why aren’t you asleep, though?_

**[02:04]Fabri:** _Couldn’t sleep. My head is a mess, I can’t shut it out._

**[02:04]Ermal** : _I know how you feel._

_I’d give you advice but I haven’t figured it out myself yet, unfortunately. ;(_

**[02:05]Fabri:** _It’s okay, I’ll fall asleep eventually._

_I miss you._

**[02:05]Ermal:** _I miss you too. So much._

**[02:06]Fabri:** _Just a month and a bit._

**[02:06]Ermal** : _It seems so far away._

**[02:07]Fabri** : _I know. I’m trying my best to lose myself in projects so that I don’t feel the time._

**[02:07]Ermal** : _Is it working?_

**[02:07]Fabri:** _Kind of? I didn’t really feel the last week passing by, so maybe it is._

**[02:08]Ermal** : _Good thing I have that project for Russian class, then._

**[02:08]Fabri:** _Good luck, I’m sure you’ll do great ~~and I can’t wait to hear you speak it, I can’t think properly when you start speaking another language.~~_

**[02:09]Ermal:** _Thank you for the trust you have in my abilities. I’ll try not to disappoint._

**[02:09]Fabri:** _You never could._

**[02:10]Ermal:** _Nor could you._


	6. VI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, the last few days really sucked. 
> 
> All the mentioned names are made up, they do not refer to real life people. If they do, I wil mention it, but the ones in this chapter do not.

“Oh, nonononono!” Fabrizio threw off his covers and ran to the bathroom, already regretting closing his eyes for just a few seconds after he turned off his alarm. As he should have expected, the seconds had turned into minutes, and now he was in danger of running late for the lecture.

Opening his closed, he pulled out the first things his eyes fell on – a pair of tight black jeans and an _Iron Maiden_ t-shirt – and he quickly threw them on, taking out a pair of socks and jumping up and down trying to put them on while also being on his way to the kitchen. Opening his cupboard, he was glad to find that he had two remaining croissants from the packet he had gotten the other day, so he quickly wolfed them down, sadly foregoing the coffee, and ran back to his room to collect his things.

Very carefully, he put the small models in his backpack, making sure that his notebook and sketchbook wouldn’t crush them, and checked if all the blueprints were in his tube (which, fortunately, they were). Slipping on his boots and his leather jacket, he hurried out of the apartment, mumbling a ‘ _ciao’_ to Aleksey (his new Russian flatmate) and cursed under his breath as he fumbled with his keys to lock the door behind himself, almost dropping his blueprint tube in the process.

The moment he was out on the street, he regretted not taking his scarf: how could it be so damn cold in October?! He cursed again and made his way towards university, walking as fast as possible without running, and making sure that his things did not crash into the other bypassers.

At 9:13 he entered the Laboratory for their Studio class and sat heavily in one of the free places next to one of his colleagues that he could now describe as an almost-friend. In the same second he turned to greet Alessio, he heard his tube fall to the ground _loudly_ , and closed his eyes, cursing for the n-th time today (and the day had just begun, how bad could it still get?). Alessio laughed quietly and patted his shoulder, but before he could say anything, their lectors announced the beginning of the class and both of them turned their attention to the front.

It turned out that today they had a guest-lector from the University in Lyon (of which they had been told the previous week, but Fabrizio had forgotten). The lecture itself was interesting enough, touching upon topics like sustainability, energetic efficiency and the need to stop using concrete and cement in buildings (with which Fabrizio agreed completely, despite it being a traditional Roman technique for millennia), and as it went on, Fabrizio thought that the day had simply started badly, but that did not mean that it would not turn better.

His hopes were shattered, however, when their lectors made them present their unfinished projects, in order to see how they had done and give them further directions. Fabrizio looked around for his partner with whom he had done the project, but he was nowhere to be found. He sent him a text and a response arrived a minute later,

**[12:08]Andrea Studio Project:** _Yeah, sorry, forgot to tell you: for the next four days we have as vacation I promised my parents I’d go back to Basilicata and I left early this morning, since tickets were cheaper. Sorry, really._

Wonderful. Just perfect. Now he had to present everything on his own. He sighed and looked around at the projects of the others. Wait a second. They were different than his. He narrowed his eyes, trying to figure out where the difference was. Oh, no. The scale. The damned scale. And the models, his were the wrong size, they were way too big. No, no, _no_.

As one of his colleagues, who was presenting his project to the professors with his partner, finished speaking, the lectors announced the lunch break and an audible sigh of relief could be heard throughout the studio. He turned to Alessio, who was adjusting one of his models (a _right_ -sized one) on his ground-plan, and lowered his voice so that the professors wouldn’t overhear by accident,

“I’m going home. I can’t present a messed-up project, who knows how they’re going to react. I can’t afford to be thought of as the worst student from the very beginning.”

Alessio looked up at him, then down at his project, then back up at him,

“It’s not a big deal. You can just explain that you made a mistake, it’s fine.”

“No, no, it’s _not_.” Fabrizio shook his head, feeling a lump forming in his throat, “I can’t do it. I don’t know how, I’m not good with words, and my partner is not even here. Nor will he be for the following days and I have to redo everything by myself.” He hid his face behind his hands, trying to sort out the too many emotions he was getting overwhelmed by, and Alessio put a hand on his shoulder, trying to calm him,

“What an asshole, next time you should just choose a different partner. Maybe we should work together, as mine also didn’t show up today. Nor on Saturday when we had made an appointment to work on the project, so I had to do it all by myself. So, trust me when I say I know how you feel. Maybe it’s a good idea for you to go home today. I’ll have you covered, text you if anything important happens.”

Fabrizio looked up at his friend, finding him with a smile, and gave one back,

“Thank you. Really, thank you.”

“Don’t mention it. Now, use the break for your escape, I won’t tell anyone.” Alessio grinned at him and Fabrizio nodded gratefully, already collecting his models and blueprints.

Once outside, he was hit once more with the terrible northern weather, which only served to worsen his mood. He decided that he would need new materials, so he directed himself towards the store on campus. Only to find it closed for the lunch break. Maybe he could come back tomorrow. Alas, the signs stating that on the 1st and 2nd November the store wouldn’t be working because of the holidays did not agree with him. So, he would be coming back after an hour and a half, it would seem. He sighed tiredly and made his way home.

How could he be so stupid not to notice that the measures and the scale were wrong?! They had a whole paper with instructions as to what exactly was expected of them and he had fucked it up. Sure, his partner hadn’t said anything, but maybe he just didn’t care. But Fabrizio did. Oh, how much did he care. He could not let himself fail. Not now, not next time, not ever. If he did, he would be a disappointment. How would he face his father then? What would he say? And then, what would Ermal think? He had told him numerous times that he had too much trust in his abilities, that he was overestimating him, yet Ermal insisted that it was the truth. Now he would see that he was wrong, that Fabrizio was incapable of even the simplest things. And then? What would happen then?

While his brain began creating various scenarios, one worse than the other, it had begun to rain. As Fabrizio realised it, he cursed himself for not remembering to bring an umbrella and hurried his step. He succeeded in arriving home not that drenched and let everything of the project fall on his bed – he couldn’t deal with it now, he simply _couldn’t_. He changed his clothes for something dry and more comfortable (the last thing he needed now was getting sick; he’d had enough of that some weeks ago when Ermal had assured him that if he went out nothing would happen, but then it still had, and it was all Ermal’s fault), and went to the kitchen to get something for lunch. Only that he had almost nothing to eat and had to make do with some (already hardened) bread and (even drier) prosciutto.

After having eaten, he decided that enough time had passed and he could go get the materials. This time, he took his scarf and his umbrella and was ready to brave the weather. Fifteen minutes and a few _Black Sabbath_ tracks later, he entered the store (which was open, fortunately) and gathered all the needed stuff as quickly as possible. He went to the cashier, already expecting the mini-heart-attack he would surely get when he saw the final price of the materials, and just then he noticed that one of the poliplat pieces was damaged.

“I’m sorry, do you have another piece of these? This one is damaged.”

“No, I’m sorry, but this is the last one of this thickness. If you really do need this one, I suppose I can give you a discount, but it really is the last one.”

Fabrizio sighed, saying that he did really need it, and the cashier packed his materials, telling him the final price (and giving him the expected mini-heart-attack). Then, Fabrizio made his way back home, his step quick and his ears full of guitar riffs.

Once in the apartment, he remembered he had another project to make and decided to concentrate firstly on it, as he could not trust himself to work on the Studio one in this condition. Opening his notebook, he realised how much work he actually had to do for this other project and sighed. The sooner he got to work, the earlier he would finish it.

Some hours later (he had no idea how many, he had lost track of time, concentrated on the project as he was), he let his pencil down and took a measuring look at his work. He hadn’t gotten anywhere. So many hours spent working with almost no result. He was too tired to even curse at this point. He reached for his phone and saw he had received a message,

**[18:50]Ermal** : _Are you doing anything for Halloween?_

With confusion Fabrizio threw a look at the calendar and saw that today was indeed the 31st of October. When had it become the end of the month? Well, that just meant he would get to see Ermal faster, so all the better.

**[18:52]Fabri:** _I’m making projects :D_

_And even if I’m not doing them, I have a headache and the only thing I want to do is to take a shower and then go to sleep._

_What are you going to do?_

And he sat there, expecting a response, seeing that Ermal was online. But time was passing and he was receiving nothing. He switched off and on his wi-fi, trying even mobile data, thinking that there was something wrong with the connection. But no, Ermal just hadn’t responded; he hadn’t even seen his texts. Fabrizio sighed, locking his phone and letting it fall with a dull _thud_ on his desk. Of course Ermal wouldn’t respond to him, why would he? He was probably out with his new friends, going to some party, having the time of his life. He didn’t need Fabrizio for that. And it _hurt_ , realising it, yet Fabrizio was convinced it was the truth. He had always believed himself to be a bad influence on Ermal, to be holding him back, to have Ermal as company only because the other was too nice to tell him that he no longer wanted him in his life. Maybe this was what Ermal was doing right now, hoping that Fabrizio would get the hint, that he would leave him alone. And if this was what Ermal wanted, then Fabrizio would do so. Everything to make Ermal happy, no matter that it would kill him in the worst way possible.

Fabrizio decided that taking the much needed shower was the only productive thing he was capable of doing now and, glad that all his flatmates were out somewhere and there was no one to witness him like that, he entered the bathroom. Only that there turned out not to be any hot water left, as all his flatmates had decided to shower before going out, so he tried to be as quick as possible, almost running back to his room covered in tremors, and he put on his pyjamas and buried himself underneath his blankets, trying to produce as much body heat as he could.

After much tossing and turning, never finding the right position and never having enough warmth, Fabrizio finally fell asleep, only to have his subconscious restlessly wander through some unknown dark forest with no end for what seemed like an eternity.

The next day, he was woken up at lunch by his flatmates coming home after a very long night of partying. He felt more tired than when he had gone to bed last night, yet forced himself to get up.

As his coffee was finally ready and he could almost taste it on his tongue, he picked up his moka pot, ready to pour it in his cup… and then he spilled it. He fucking spilled it. He didn’t even care that he burned his fingers in the process, all he wanted was his cup of espresso. He cleaned everything up and made himself a new dose, this time careful not to spill anything, and finally, _finally_ had his drink. He was just starting to feel better, to get his hopes up for the day, that maybe he would succeed with finishing his project, that he would get to talk to Ermal a bit, that today maybe it wouldn’t rain.

Then he turned towards the window and realised that he was once more mistaken to hope: he couldn’t even see the backyard from the quantity of the rain that was falling. He was suddenly overwhelmed with a feeling of wanting to go back home, back South, back to the sun, back to having Ermal with him every day. But he couldn’t have that now. Even if he went back home, Ermal wouldn’t be there. So why bother? Instead, he checked his phone to see if Ermal had responded. Which turned out to be a mistake, because his messages hadn’t even been seen. So, Fabrizio decided to lose himself in his project today and to ignore everything else.

At some time in the evening (Fabrizio guessed it was evening because it was already dark outside) he heard his phone squill and it tore him away from his work (which today had been going better than yesterday, maybe tomorrow he would be able to finish it). He unlocked his screen to see that he had gotten a message from Ermal and felt himself smiling for the first time in a while.

**[20:10]Ermal:** _Well, we didn’t do much. First we were in our dormitory, then went to that of that Polish guy I told you about (we bought alcohol on our way :D) and more people joined us, then there was some party going on in the kitchen, but we decided to go and went back to our dormitory, where we played drinking games, then we moved to a third dormitory, where we played a game called Secret Hitler, which seems to be a big deal here, and then we went home at around 3 (this time there was no fire alarm in the middle of the night, luckily)._

_And today I had a lecture at 8:15 ;( and then classes from 13 to 18 non-stop ;(_

_And I just finished my pasta and have to go back to studying._

_What are you up to?_

**[20:13]Fabri** : _Nothing much, have been working on a project the whole afternoon since I woke up at noon._

_Is the 1 st of November not a holiday in England? _

Fabrizio waited for a response. And waited. And realised he wouldn’t be getting one. Maybe Ermal had just gone to study, turning off his phone as to not be distracted. Yet, Fabrizio couldn’t help but go back to those thoughts from last night. He felt his mood worsen with each thought he had and decided that tonight he won’t be able to do anything else. As he had no appetite, he decided to go straight to bed, this time hoping that he would be able to finally get some rest. And that tomorrow would finally be better.


	7. VII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know when will be the next time in which I would be able to update, that's why I just wanted to make things right first, couldn't leave it as in the last chapter. So, have this.   
> I hope you enjoy it!

Waking up around ten, Fabrizio groaned at the sudden light (despite it being grey outside, _so very grey_ , the sun being almost non-existent) and buried himself deeper under the covers; he didn’t really feel like getting up. If he only could go back to sleep, then maybe things would get better; he wouldn’t have to face this terrible reality in which there was no Ermal. So, he closed his eyes and willed himself to fall asleep again.

Alas, try as he might, it just didn’t happen; his body deemed him rested enough, despite him feeling like a corpse. With a sigh, he rose from the bed and went on to start his day.

As he still had no appetite and felt like vomiting at just the thought of food, he decided to forego it, opting only for a cup of espresso. Disappointingly, it didn’t make him feel any better.

Dragging himself back to his desk, he took out his half-finished project and promised to himself that he would do his best to finish it today; if he put his mind to his work, maybe it would keep his thoughts away from Ermal and it wouldn’t hurt that much. He put on his headphones, opting to play some _Radiohead_ , since their pieces suited his mood better than the rest of his music library (and they reminded him of Ermal so, _so_ much; of all the times they had discussed the songs, the music; of all the covers they have done together of these songs; of the wide smile Ermal had gifted him with when Fabrizio had tried his best to learn _High And Dry_ for Ermal, and the other had made no comments on his horrible English pronunciation, no, he had _smiled_ and told him how good he was, had _thanked_ him; of the brightness in Ermal’s eyes when he had gifted him their newest album, _A Moon Shaped Pool_ , right after its release in 2016…; perhaps choosing their music was a bit masochistic, yet he couldn’t stop, _didn’t want_ to stop).

Some hours later, with his hand covered in graphite and some ink on his fingers, he regarded his finished work, feeling relieved more than anything; it wasn’t perfect, but it was done, it would be enough. He noticed he was missing a few lines and some small details on one of the designs, yet he couldn’t bring himself to complete it; he was too tired to continue and neither his mind, nor his hands wanted to cooperate with him on actually finishing it.

He threw a look at his phone to check the time and was surprised to find that he had received a message. His mind immediately screamed _Ermal_ , and Fabrizio felt his lips curve into a tired smile. His hand quickly went to unlock his phone, opening the app… and the smile died as quickly as it had appeared. It wasn’t Ermal who had messaged him, but his friend Alessio.

**[18:08]Alessio** : _Hey, how are you holding up? Is everything okay?_

**[18:47]Fabri:** _~~No, nothing is~~ Yeah, sure, I’m okay. You?_

**[18:47]Alessio** : _Somehow I’m not convinced you’re telling the truth. When was the last time you went out?_

**[18:48]Fabri:** _On Wednesday, after class to go get materials._

**[18:48]Alessio** : _Well then, get ready because we’re going out tonight, and I would not hesitate to drag you out. Will be at your place in 10._

Fabrizio wanted to protest; he did not feel like going out at all. Yet, he knew it would be useless; he believed his friend would do what he said, not giving him a choice and dragging him forcefully out of the flat whether he wanted to go or not. So, he put on some jeans and a pullover, slipping on his boots and his jacket, collected his phone, wallet and keys, and directed himself towards the front door to wait for Alessio.

As promised, his friend was there exactly ten minutes after his last text ( _northerners_ ) and greeted him with a smile,

“Hey, I see that I have been right in my assumption about you being okay being a lie. No offence, but you look like a corpse.”

“I feel like one, too.” Fabrizio forced himself to smile, yet he wasn’t sure if he succeeded, because Alessio’s smile turned into a grimace.

“When was the last time you ate?”

“I…” Fabrizio wasn’t sure what to respond. When had it been, really? Surely not today. “Maybe yesterday for lunch?”

“Well, in that case, we’re going to eat right away.” Alessio caught him by his elbow and pulled him towards the metro station.

Some minutes later, they were exiting the tunnels and found themselves near the channel. Fabrizio was curious why they had come all the way to the other side of the city, yet couldn’t force himself to ask; he simply followed Alessio to a place where they sold food ( _southern_ food, _huh,_ Alessio was surely trying to make him feel better), as Alessio got them each a panzerotto and a bottle of beer, and then followed him to the side of the channel, where they found a place to sit. Thankfully, Alessio did not start to ask him questions right away, instead telling him some anecdotes of what he had been up to at this place during his earlier teenage years. At a few times, it got a smile out of Fabrizio, and he was glad his friend had made him go out; he even finished his food (and felt _so full_ because of it, despite it being a small portion) and could feel the effects of the alcohol making themselves known (that _shouldn’t_ be happening, it was only a bottle of beer, after all; maybe because of the lack of food in his body, maybe because of the fatigue, who knew, yet he felt as if he had had a few shots of something hard and that couldn’t end well).

As they both finished their food and drinks, Alessio collected their trash and went to throw it away in the nearby bins quickly; then, as he sat back down next to Fabrizio, he turned to him with a serious look on his face,

“Now, would you tell me what’s wrong? It can’t be just because of the project.”

_Damn_ , he was going to use this as an excuse. Fabrizio tried to look for something to say, something _else_ ; yet, maybe because of the slight intoxication, he found himself telling Alessio the truth,

“My best friend, he went to study abroad, in England. And I miss him, so much, you have no idea. It had been going well, we texted each other all the time, every day, for every little thing. But…” He couldn’t continue; it hurt, _it hurt so damn much_ ; he felt his eyes become humid and closed them, willing himself to calm down.

“But?” Alessio’s tone was kind, low, almost above a whisper. And Fabrizio couldn’t stop himself (he blamed it on the alcohol) and opened his eyes, the damned tears falling, and looked at the water,

“But in the last few days, we haven’t heard from each other. He hasn’t even seen my messages, let alone answered them. And I-“ a sob escaped him and he bit his lip, trying to stop himself; yet that didn’t help, “I don’t know why it has such a strong effect on me. It hurts so much; you see what it does to me, no? My happiness depends on him so much that it could be described as unhealthy. And the things is, I know he is probably just busy with studying or being social or something, yet I can’t help but think about the worst scenarios, like him not wanting me in his life anymore, him being tired of me. And the worst part is that on top of it all I have fallen in love with him, and it would kill me if those scenarios turn out to be correct and he really doesn’t want me around any longer.”

Fabrizio stopped talking just for a second to get some air in his lungs after having more or less _vomited_ all the words at once; and just then did he realise what _exactly_ he had told Alessio. _Oh, no_. He closed his eyes and hid his face behind his hands, his elbows on his knees; there was no way that Alessio wouldn’t judge him now, wouldn’t think less of him, wouldn’t want him out of his life too. Fabrizio couldn’t face the judgement, so he hid, tried to hide and wait for Alessio to spit something terrible in his face and leave him alone there, never to speak, no, _look_ at him again.

This is why he flinched when he felt a hand lying on his shoulder. He expected a rough push, a hurtful squeeze, something violent; yet, what he got was just the secure weight of the other’s hand on his shoulder, nothing more, and he felt brave enough to look up at the other’s face. His surprise must have been evident when he didn’t find a disgusted expression but a soft smile, because Alessio’s grip on him tightened slightly, just enough to make it more apparent, but not at all to hurt.

“I may not know your friend, yet I am sure he isn’t doing this on purpose. As you said, he is perhaps too busy and has no time to go on social media. Give him time, be patient. I’m sure he would text you as soon as he can.”

The kind tone with which Alessio was speaking made Fabrizio cry even more; he had prepared himself for violence, for hatred, yet he had gotten kindness in return. He tried to calm down, and after a few minutes succeeded, noticing that Alessio hadn’t moved at all, his hand still on Fabrizio’s shoulder. Fabrizio turned to look him in the eyes, giving him a watery smile,

“Thank you. Truly.”

“You shouldn’t. It’s the least I can do, as your friend.” Alessio smiled back at him, then got up, offering him a hand, which he gladly took. “Now, I believe you need a decent sleep. Let’s head back home.”

Fabrizio nodded and they directed themselves back towards the metro tunnels.

About twenty minutes later, they were in front of Fabrizio’s building, him trying to fish his keys out of his pocket. When he succeeded, he turned back to Alessio,

“I’m glad you made me go out tonight, thank you.”

“Stop it, I told you, it was the least I could do. Now go try to sleep, it will do you well.”

They wished each other goodnight and Fabrizio entered the building, feeling a bit better than when he had left it. He took a quick shower to warm himself up and went immediately to bed. Out of habit, he checked his phone and found it with a message. It was probably Alessio, making sure he had went to bed, but when he unlocked it, his face split into a wide smile: it was _Ermal_!

**[22:04]Ermal** : _Fabbri, I am so so so sorry for not responding earlier! I had so much to do, it was so tiring, I am so sorry! I hope you had been doing okay, I’m sorry if I worried you! I’d promise not to do this ever again, but you know that I hate giving promises when I’m not sure that I’d be able to keep them, so just know that if it happens again, it’s because I have too much to do, when I’d be rather talking to you. I’m sorry!_

**[22:13]Fabri** : _It’s okay, you simply didn’t have any time to text, I understand, you don’t have to be sorry. Are you okay?_

**[22:13]Ermal** : _Yes, I’m well. Even though today I made a list of all the deadlines I have for my course works and I felt like crying. I have so much to catch up on and all the deadlines are at the end of this month. ;(_

**[22:14]Fabri** : _Trust me, I know how you feel. I have the mid-term in Math at the end of the month, then there are the projects, especially the wrongly-made one that I haven’t even touched yet. And there is the mid-term in History at the beginning of December that I don’t even want to think about. And there are no more breaks, the next one being the one where I’ll be visiting you, and honestly, I can’t wait for it to come._

**[22:14]Ermal** : _I can’t wait for it too, I miss you so much!_

_And don’t worry about the History one, you’ve always been brilliant in it._

_Ugh, this week I haven’t touched anything seriously, I have been going back and forth between lectures and seminars, and have been doing all the housework that had to be done…_

**[22:15]Fabri** : _Well, it’s not a small thing, all the lectures and seminars. Even more so when yours are during the whole day, with almost no breaks._

**[22:15]Ermal** : _No, we have breaks, I just wasted my time on other things around the house. I should’ve concentrated on the notes and course works I have to do. And on the Russian grammar of which I have lost the logic. :D_

**[22:16]Fabri** : _You’ll be fine, you’re brilliant when it comes to languages!_

**[22:16]Ermal** : _Thank you, I hope I’ll manage! <3 _

_But I really need to at least start studying tonight, because I don’t know if I’ll finish anything otherwise._

**[22:17]Fabri** : _Good luck and don’t overwork yourself!_

**[22:17]Ermal** : _Sure. Goodnight, Fabbri ;*_

**[22:17]Fabri** : _Goodnight, Ermal ;*Ti ~~am-~~ voglio bene._

**[22:17]Ermal** : _Ti voglio bene anch’ io._

Fabrizio locked his phone and let it fall on his nightstand with a smile. He had been an idiot to worry so much; of course Ermal had just been busy. And he had said he missed him too, that he couldn’t wait until they saw each other again. Fabrizio was ready to cry again, but this time because he was happy, _finally_ happy after days; and all because of Ermal, his amazing Ermal. Fabrizio smiled and closed his eyes; he had been right, today had definitely been better.


	8. VIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello and sorry for updating after such a long time. (How do people survive university? Tips?)  
> Today I found myself surprisingly not-so-busy (when your groupmate has not finished the individual projects and can't work with you on your common one you're left with more-than-the-expected free time, huh) and thought I would try my best to write something. I hope I succeeded? 
> 
> I hope you enjoy reading this, would love to hear your thoughts!

Fabrizio yawned as he tried to make sense of the equations in front of him; how was it that during the lecture he understood everything but when he tried to solve the problems by himself, everything seemed like Chinese to him?

Sighing heavily, he let his pen fall and pushed himself back into his chair away from the desk, throwing a look at his empty coffee mug. For a second he entertained the thought of making himself another cup, but then decided against it: the last two weeks he had barely slept, given the amount of projects he had to make (and still had not finished) and on top of that the Math mid-term he had to study for, and was sure that there was more caffeine than blood in his systems. So adding some more would definitely not do him any good; he had to finish this chapter and maybe then he could sleep for more or less four hours. He looked at his phone to check the time ( _23:48_ , no wonder he felt half dead) and then turned back to the equations in his book; only four more exercises (he entirely ignored the fact that each of them had five additional conditionals, that would’ve just made him want to give up on everything).

About an hour and a half later he contently let his textbook fall closed and put away all of his stationery. He could finally go get some sleep before he had to get up again to work on one of the projects and then go to lectures and then work on the other project and… Yeah, he better get that sleep while he could.

Passing quickly through the bathroom, trying to be as silent as possible while going through the common spaces so that he wouldn’t wake up his flatmates (who had been sleeping profoundly for hours while he was studying, those lucky assholes) , he finally laid under the covers and let out a sigh of relief. He closed his eyes, burying himself deeper in the warm cocoon of his duvet, and was more than ready to let Morpheus welcome him in his realm.

Alas, try as he might, his brain just _wouldn’t shut up_. His thoughts kept returning to Ermal and to the last conversation they had the other day.

_Fabrizio had been as sleep-deprived as he was now, yet the moment he saw Ermal’s name on his phone screen, he abandoned the designs he had been working on for the last five hours and picked up his phone so fast that he hit his elbow on the edge of his desk. Because of this, the first thing Ermal heard was his exclamation of pain instead of a greeting. Yet, hearing Ermal’s laugh made him forget his elbow quickly; that joyous sound made him warm all over, made him imagine that the sun had returned onto the skies of steel above the city, made him feel alive; and made him miss Ermal so much more than he was already missing him, made him crave to be in his presence, to be able to see his eyes shine with that happiness that he could hear from his laughter… He didn’t even realise he had let out a sigh when Ermal suddenly stopped laughing and asked him if he was okay, his tone full of concern._

_“Yes, yes, sorry. I’m simply… I miss being able to see you while you laugh, to see how your smile brightens the whole world.”_

_“Oh.” There was a note of surprise in Ermal’s tone now and Fabrizio was scared that he had let slip far too much. Yet, before he could go on and apologise or say something stupid to derive Ermal’s attention from what he’d said, Ermal spoke again, “I miss your hugs and the feeling of home they always give me.” And at hearing this Fabrizio was glad he was already sat on his chair because he could feel his knees going weak and he was sure that had he been standing his legs would not have held him up. He tried his best to stop the sharp inhale that his body wanted to do, and succeeded at taking a slow deep breath and letting it out almost soundlessly; Ermal couldn’t know how massive of an effect  his words have had on him, then it would all be too obvious and Fabrizio could not have that. As he decided he was calm enough, Fabrizio started again,_

_“I wish you were here.”_

_“Me too, believe me. But we have to wait only two more weeks and then you will be here with me! Fourteen days, Fabbri! Only fourteen!” Now Ermal’s voice was full of excitement and Fabrizio could not stop himself from smiling widely._

_“Trust me, I know. I’m counting them down.”_

_Ermal laughed again and Fabrizio closed his eyes, immersing himself fully in the sound,_

_“Oh, I am too! And Jess keeps making fun of me because of it. But she doesn’t get it! I need to know how much more I have to wait until I can see you again and counting the days down is all I can do. So she can continue all she wants with all those ‘ooh, already trembling from excitement to find ourselves back in the arms of our beloved, are we’ because really, I couldn’t care less, what I care about is to have you here with me as soon as possible!”_

_And this time Fabrizio couldn’t stop the sharp inhale; as he had heard the word ‘beloved’ his body had reacted on its own, betraying him and his feelings. Luckily, Ermal had continued rambling after that and had not heard Fabrizio, for which he was immensely glad. After Ermal had stopped speaking, Fabrizio laughed softly, doing his best to make it seem like he hasn’t been affected in the slightest, and tried to derive the conversation in another direction, because he did not know how many more things like this he could hear from Ermal without blurting out how he felt,_

_“Someone making fun of you and not the other way around? How is that even possible?”_

_“I know, right! Unacceptable!”_

_They laughed again, the conversation turning to what they had been up to since the last time they had texted (with Fabrizio earning himself a lecture about how not sleeping enough was bad for him, only to throw it all right back into Ermal’s face, as the other slept even less), about Ermal’s half-written course works and Fabrizio’s half-finished designs, about how much the weather in the north sucked and how both of them missed the sun (Fabrizio stopped himself from saying that he missed the sun reflected in Ermal’s eyes, how the sunlight made his curls seem even softer and more welcoming that they already were, how it made him think about all the summer days they had spent together doing everything and anything)._

_Unfortunately, after twenty minutes (which to Fabrizio seemed like twenty seconds) they had to hang up since Ermal had another seminar to go to and Fabrizio had to turn back to his project if he wanted to have it finished by the morning._

Now, buried in his covers, he replayed the conversation again and again in his head, letting the musicality of Ermal’s voice wash over him, losing himself entirely of the rises and descends of his intonation, of the way he would elongate some of the vowels and soften some of the consonants. And soon a melody had started to form in his head, making his hands itch to take his guitar and start composing.

As usual, he did not resist the temptation and, glad that Mihail had decided to stay over at his girlfriend’s tonight, Fabrizio went to get his guitar, the first notebook his eyes fell on and something to write with (a red pen would do), then he sat back down on his bed, turning on the nightstand-lamp and began pulling the strings softly, trying to express the melody he had in his head through actual sound.

Soon, he started humming along to the melody, trying to find the best way to position words so they would go with the music. Then, his mind turning back to Ermal, the phrases started coming to him, connecting to each other and forming a text for the melody.  He wrote everything down, trying it out with the accords, then replaced some of the words so that the tonality would fit the flow better.

Not much later he had the full text written and wanted to try the whole composition from the beginning with no interruptions, to see if it actually made sense and if he liked how it sounded. He moved the notebook a bit so he could see the whole text, then adjusted his guitar and began playing softly.

_Le mie paure_  
 _sono carezze mancate_  
 _incertezze che tornano a un passo da me_  
 _evitando i rumori_  
 _sono mio padre e i suoi errori_  
 _un bersaglio sfiorato_  
 _le paure che sento_  
 _come distanze da un centro_  
  
_sono l'amore che ho dentro_  
 _e che non so controllare_  
 _il primo giorno di scuola di un piccolo uomo_  
 _che ha vergogna a parlare_  
 _le riflessioni sospese_  
 _un mattino alle sette_  
 _le paure che sento qui dentro di me_  
 _sono parole mai dette_  
  
_Tu, tu non mi hai voluto credere_  
 _sono anni che ti aspetto_  
 _e ora non riesco a respirare più_  
 _ora basta devi scegliere_  
 _sono anni che ti aspetto_  
 _le mie paure_  
 _sono un bugiardo che giura_  
 _tutte le cose che ho perso_  
 _tenendo ugualmente una stretta sicura_  
 _la prima volta che ho detto_  
 _ho bisogno di te_  
 _sono quel dubbio che resta nascosto_  
 _anche quando ho capito perché_  
 _perché_  
  
_Tu, tu non mi hai voluto credere_  
 _sono anni che ti aspetto_  
 _e ora non riesco a respirare più_  
 _ora basta devi scegliere_  
 _sono anni che ti aspetto_  
  
_Ci sono cose che non riesco più a dimenticare_  
 _sono le stesse che non ho imparato mai a capire_  
 _le convinzioni non saranno sempre uguali_  
 _neanche quelle che oggi sembrano normali_  
 _la differenza fra ogni uomo sta nell'intenzione_  
 _e ora so che posso scegliere_  
 _sono anni che ti aspetto_  
 _sono anni che ti aspetto_

With the sound of the last played accord dying out, Fabrizio sat there with his eyes closed, trying to calm his breathing. That song reflected everything he felt in this moment. The fear he had of not having Ermal in his life anymore, of not having him touch him ever again. The fear of the possibility that he would fail at reaching his goals, having aimed at them directly and yet had only succeeded at touching them at a distance, disappointing his father in the process. Of all the love he felt towards Ermal, that he could not stop feeling no matter how hard he had tried, and of which he was afraid because not being able to control himself could cost him his best friend. The feeling of not belonging that he still felt while he was among his colleagues at university and the embarrassment he always had while he would speak with them. The feeling of having no one to talk to about any of this, because it would usually be Ermal that he would turn to, but in this case he could not. The slight anger he felt every time that Ermal would not believe him about how much he missed him, how important he was to him, how he was still waiting for him to believe him and was ready to wait forever, would do anything to get Ermal to finally believe him. The suffocation he felt when at times he was ready to believe that Ermal felt the same, but then told himself that it was wishful thinking and he should not let himself be led on, because he was sure that it could not be true, yet all he wanted to do was scream at Ermal to choose already if he wanted more from Fabrizio, that much more that Fabrizio was ready to give freely. The feeling of being a liar every time he tried to hide his feelings from Ermal, because he could not let himself lose that security, that stability that their friendship offered him. The warmth he felt at the record he had of the first time he had told Ermal that he needed him, scared of being too much, too insistent, too constricting, yet Ermal had told him that he would always remain by his side, ready to take on the whole world if need be. The doubt he felt about himself after he had understood the true nature of what he felt towards Ermal, that even now still rested under his skin, hidden and waiting to show itself in his weakest moments.

All of these things, things he still found hard to understand at times, not knowing how to express them even in his own head, would not let him rest, always ready to jump up in his mind, not letting him forget about them. And then, if something more were to happen between him and Ermal, how would the others react? Yes, nowadays the world was much more liberal, yet some old convictions still remained. Then again, he knew his family as well as Ermal’s would be different from the people who were still too stuck on those old convictions, because their families had no intentions to see them hurt, so they would try their best to accept them. Knowing this, Fabrizio felt himself free to choose whether to act on his feelings or not. He had waited for Ermal for years, but the fear was too strong and he decided that he could wait some more years, at least until the fear would not leave him unable to breathe each time.

Fabrizio opened his eyes and leaned his guitar on the shelf next to his bed. Writing this song had helped him sort out the mess that had been his thoughts and he felt calmer, breathing came to him more easily. He let himself fall back on the bed, covering himself with the duvet, and this time he fell asleep almost immediately, finally getting some much needed rest.


	9. IX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I'm sorry for the delay, again.   
> But you know how before Christmas all the deadlines seem to be following one after the other and everyone wants everything to be done before the holidays? Yeah, it's like that.   
> But given that I've fallen victim to the virus that seems to be going around and my brain doesn't want to function properly for me to finish my projects, there was enough time for me to write today.   
> So, have this, I hope you enjoy it!

It was finally time. After so long spent apart, Fabrizio was finally going to see Ermal again. He had barely slept last night, the excitement and his head full of thoughts not letting him rest. And during the whole morning he had this smile plastered on his face that had started to make his cheeks hurt but he couldn’t care less; he was so _happy_.

As he finished packing his backpack, stuffing it with an extra pullover and the moka pot he had gotten for Ermal as a gift (he couldn’t let him continue on drinking that poisonous instant garbage), he zipped it up and looked up to find Mihail smirking at him.

“Che c’è?” Fabrizio furrowed his eyebrows a bit, yet the smile did not leave his face.

“You’ve been going about with this wide smile plastered on your face all morning and at some point you were even humming something. You must really love your friend if the mere thought of seeing him again makes you this happy.”

Fabrizio was about to deny that, make an excuse or derive his roommate’s attention in a different direction. Yet, as he opened his mouth to respond, he did not want to lie; he could not bring himself to, when it was so obvious. And why bother? It was not like Mihail was about to become hostile to him because of it; if anything, he had showed nothing but support so far and Fabrizio was truly grateful. So instead, he nodded,

“E’ vero. Mi rende più felice di tutt’altro al mondo.”

“Well then. Have fun.”

Fabrizio grinned at Mihail, then checked again if he had everything. He put on his winter coat, wrapping a scarf around his neck, got his wallet, phone, keys and headphones, and picked up his backpack.

“Allora. Ci vediamo sabato?”

“Yeah, until then.”

After a final smile, Fabrizio left their flat and directed himself to the metro. There were surprisingly few people on the train that day, so Fabrizio thought that this journey would be a calm and problemless one. He decided to play some _Queen_ , as their music reflected his mood, and he had to hold himself back from jamming to their songs while in public; he constricted to only moving his head up and down to the beat (at one point he almost started singing, but bit his tongue in time to stop himself, then chuckled at his stupidity; damn, was he in a great mood!).

As he got off at the Central Railway Station, though, his mood faltered a bit. He was supposed to find the buses to the airport, yet the Station was a labyrinth and he had no idea where he was going. Sure, there were signs and he followed them, only to get even more lost. At one point, he remembered that the buses would obviously be outside of the building and not inside, so with a whispered ‘ _idiot’_ directed at himself, he made his way to the nearest exit. Once out, he decided to go right and as he turned behind the corner of the building, he saw the buses and let out a sigh of relief. He quickly went to the first one and was about to get himself a ticket, when the lady selling them asked which airport he wanted to get to. And then she told them these were the buses to the Western Airport, the one he did _not_ need now. So he asked her for directions to the other parking, receiving in answer a complicated route through the inside of the building. He thanked the lady with a forced smile and with another sigh, this time far from relief, he went back inside. He followed the directions the lady had given him for a while, until he got lost again (this was _not_ supposed to be happening, he was on his way to become an architect, he could usually read buildings perfectly, what was wrong with _this one_ in particular?). He knew he was on the opposite side of the building now, and since he had no idea where to go, he decided to go out of it once more. And there, above the stairs, was a sign directing him to the buses he actually needed. A smile split his face once more, glad that he wouldn’t have to wander any more in this hell of a station, and he hurried to the first vehicle in sigh, got his ticket, and then fell heavily on one of the sits, turning his attention back to the music that once more fit his mood (he had not even noticed that one of his earbuds had fallen out; good thing they were not wireless otherwise he would have lost it and would have had to suffer without music).

Once the bus went off, he just stared out of the window at the parts of the city he had never been to and made note of all the buildings he would like to come back to and explore more in depth. He imagined himself taking Ermal here, walking with him through those streets, laughing together at some stupid joke one of them had made, or simply enjoying the other’s company in silence. That image made Fabrizio long for the journey to be as brief as possible so he could actually be once more in Ermal’s company, so he could once more hear his joyful laugh, to see his eyes light up from happiness. He took out his phone and opened their chat,

**[13:37]Fabri:** _I can’t wait to see you again!_

He locked his phone, ready to put it back in his pocket, but then it vibrated, letting him know of a received message. He unlocked it to see that Ermal had responded,

**[13:38]Ermal:** _I’m counting the minutes! I’m supposed to be concentrating on what the professor is saying, but all I can think about is having you here with me!_

**[13:38]Fabri:** _I’ll quote my math professor here: “Last effort” :D_

**[13:39]Ermal:** _Ugh, I knooow. But still, I can’t wait!!! Did you already get to the airport?_

**[13:39]Fabri:** _No, I’m still on the bus, but should be there in maybe half an hour._

**[13:40]Ermal:** _Still? But didn’t you leave your place a long time ago?_

**[13:40]Fabri:** _Well, yes. But I kind of got lost in the Central Station?_

**[13:40]Ermal:** _Ahahahahahaha, what?! But how? Aren’t there signs?_

**[13:41]Fabri:** _There are, but… Nevermind._

**[13:41]Ermal:** _Ahaha nooo, you’re telling me all about this when you land. You getting lost in a building!! Ahahaha, now that’s a first!_

**[13:42]Fabri** : _I should not have told you this._

**[13:42]Ermal:** _Of course you should have! You tell me everything, don’t you!_

Fabrizio looked at the last message and hesitated; it would be a lie to respond positively to this. After all, he had kept from Ermal for so long what his feelings towards him were, and this was no small thing to hide. So instead of responding, he tried to change the topic, feeling terribly for lying to Ermal like this,

**[13:43]Fabri:** _It’s not raining up there, right? I would hate it if we’re unable to go out because of the stupid English weather._

**[13:43]Ermal:** _No, don’t worry. It’s supposed to actually be sunny here the next few days. Looks like you’re bringing the sun with you ;)_

**[13:44]Fabri** : _~~Given that you’re my sun, I wouldn’t care less if it were raining outside, as long as I am with you~~ Well, you must be missing it, so I thought why not? :D_

**[13:45]Ermal** : _Good, because I am missing it! I’ve gotten paler than milk and I wasn’t that tanned to begin with ;(_

**[13:45]Fabri** : _Oh, so you’ve finally achieved transparency? How do you avoid people crashing into you while they walk? :D_

**[13:46]Ermal:** _What an asshole. :D_

_Oh no, the professor is showing some tables that would apparently be on the exam. I have to actually pay attention to this. Sorry but I’ll be forced to leave you for a while. ;(_

**[13:46]Fabri** : _It’s fine, I brought my book to entertain myself._

**[13:47]Ermal** : _Good. Text me when you get on the plane._

**[13:47]Fabri** : _Will do._

Fabrizio pocketed his phone and turned his attention to the landscape. It was so different from home; there were no maritime pines, or cypresses or olive trees. In fact, he could see the ghost of a fog over the fields, and there was nothing that he hated more than fogs – rain he could live with; snow, when there even was such, actually made him happy; and sun he absolutely thrived in; yet fogs were a completely different question: the humidity made breathing harder and at times he was almost scared of not being able to do it properly. He had told this to Ermal, who had understood and then made him feel better, telling him that the air close to the sea was humid as well, and Fabrizio knew that logically it made sense, yet he could not help himself, but Ermal was there, so he had been fine.

Before his mind could spiral away into dark thoughts about Ermal not being there with him anymore, they had arrived at the airport and Fabrizio quickly got off the bus, directing himself towards the passport control and trying to think about how happy he was that only a few hours divided him from seeing Ermal again.

He quickly went through all of the security checks at the airport, finding the way to his gate and sitting on one of the empty places. He took out his book, seeing that he had forty minutes until the boarding started, and immersed himself in it.

A while later, the staff called for all the passengers to form a line and Fabrizio was quick to get himself in the beginning of the queue; he could barely hold his excitement any longer. He happily showed his boarding pass and ID to the lady and then went off to find his place on the plane. Once settled down, he took out his phone to let Ermal know,

**[16:32]Fabri** : _Just got on the plane. We should be departing in about fifteen minutes. Can’t wait!_

**[16:32]Ermal** : _Have a safe flight! I’ll be waiting for you at the Green Park stop, please don’t forget. It would suck if you got lost here and with your knowing English fluently, I don’t know how we’ll find each other._

**[16:33]Fabri:** _I remember the stop, it’ll be fine, don’t worry. And if we actually lose each other, I’ll just call you and make you speak with the first person I meet on the street so you two can understand each other. :D_

**[16:33]Ermal** : _Sure, let’s just hope it won’t get to that. See you in three hours! <3_

**[16:33]Fabri:** _Until then! <3_

Fabrizio settled better in his seat, decided to play some _Iron Maiden_ (hey, he _was_ going to England, after all, so why not?) and watched on as all the other passengers took their places.

Once everyone had settled, he expected that the attendants would do their usual demonstration and they would finally depart. Yet, time passed and nothing was happening. Fabrizio checked the time and it turned out to be twenty-seven minutes after the stated departure time. He took a look at the other passengers and found that he was not the only confused one. One of the men on the row behind his had called for one of the attendants and was asking why there was a delay, but the attendant said she did not know and had to go and ask the pilot. Even more confusion took over the passengers, some complaining they had to be there on time otherwise they would miss important meetings, the children were already getting impatient and their parents could do nothing to calm them down, and Fabrizio was getting worried that after all Ermal had been right to fear that they wouldn’t find each other.

Another half an hour passed and this time there was a message from the pilot stating that they were sorry for the delay, but since they were expecting another plane to land, which was currently late, they could do nothing else but wait. And so they did, and Fabrizio was starting to fear that the plane would never depart and that he would not get to see Ermal, after all.

**[17:37]Fabri:** _We still haven’t departed because we’re waiting for another flight, which is being late. I have no idea when we’re going to take off but I hope it’s soon. I’m starting to fear we won’t get to see each other. ;(_

**[17:37]Ermal** : _Noo, don’t say that! Of course we will! It’s just a small delay, that’s all. It’ll be fine._

**[17:38]Fabri** : _A small delay? Ermal, it’s been an hour. What if we don’t depart at all?_

**[17:38]Ermal:** _Listen to me, of course you’ll depart. Things like this happen all the time, you’ve got nothing to worry about. They said they’re just waiting, yes? Well then, give it some more time, it’s going to be alright. We’ll still see each other._

**[17:39]Fabri** : _I hope you’re right. I just miss you so much and if we don’t get to meet because of some stupid plane then I don’t know what I’ll do._

**[17:39]Ermal** _: I am right, you’ll see. In the meantime, why don’t you tell me what the book you’ve been reading is about? Or describe the airport building to me?_

Fabrizio smiled gratefully at Ermal’s attempt to get his attention elsewhere and began retelling him the plot of the book.

**[17:53]Fabri:** _And I don’t know what happens next because I haven’t finished it yet. But I can’t wait to continue reading it because it’s so well written, with all the suspense, and the mystery, and the descriptions of the places I’ve actually visited and can go to if I only wanted to, since it’s happening in the city I currently live in, it’s just brilliant!_

**[17:54]Ermal** : _Sounds interesting! Mind lending it to me once you’ve finished?_

**[17:54]Fabri** : _Of course not! As soon as you get back for Christmas, it’s all yours!_

As Fabrizio was finishing his text, there was another message from the pilot, stating that they were about to depart and thanking all the passengers for the patience. Fabrizio smiled, truly relieved, and went on to text Ermal,

**[17:55]Fabri:** _We’re finally departing! We are going to see each other!!! I’m so happy!!!_

**[17:55]Ermal:** _See, I told you! I hope there are no more problems until you get to me. See you in a bit!_

Fabrizio turned on the airplane mode on his phone and finally settled in his seat, happy to actually be setting off. He closed his eyes and let himself be immersed in the melodic sounds of Bruce Dickinson’s voice and the accompanying riffs.

Two hours later, they touched ground and Fabrizio almost did not even wait for the plane to stop, as he unbuckled his belt and got his backpack on his shoulder and directed himself towards the exit of the plane. He impatiently waited for the door to be opened and as soon as it was, he skipped down the stairs, almost running to the airport. He got through passport security quickly, managing to understand what he was being asked and somehow even managing to answer (good thing Ermal had warned him about that before, otherwise he would have not known what to say), and directed himself to the buses that would take him to Ermal’s town. Luckily, these ones had signs and he found the one he needed quickly, got a ticket and found a seat, taking out his phone to text Ermal,

**[19:04]Fabri** : _Already on the bus towards you! See you in less than an hour!_

**[19:04]Ermal** : _I’ll be waiting!_

Soon after, the bus went off and Fabrizio turned to stare out of the window. Okay, it was very strange that they drove on the wrong side of the road; every time they reached a crossroad or a roundabout Fabrizio feared they would crash into one of the other vehicles and that thought would make him stop breathing for a moment. He decided that focusing on the houses in the small villages they were passing by would be a better idea. And it was, for a while. Until he realised what ‘ _different from home_ ’ truly meant. He felt so out of place here, everything being so foreign, so _unknown_. Sure, he had seen British villages before in some tv shows or movies, but actually being here was so unreal, as if he was in some other world that he was not actually sure whether it was real or not. And the more he looked, the more out of place, the more _lost_ he felt. What was he actually doing here? How would he get about? He could feel his breathing getting ragged and he reached for his phone, dialling the only person who could help him in that moment. After a few seconds, the other responded,

“Hey, Fabbri, did you already arrive? I don’t see yo-“

“ _Ermal_.” Fabrizio managed to breathe out the other’s name, immediately alerting him of his state.

“Fabrizio, close your eyes, concentrate on my breathing and try to copy it.”

And he did just that, turning all his attention to Ermal’s exaggerated in- and exhales on the other end of the line, and trying to slow down his own frantic breaths, to make them match with Ermal’s. He had no idea how much time they spend simply breathing (maybe only minutes, but to him it seemed like hours), yet after a while his breaths had returned to normal and he could think rationally again.

“Thank you.” He managed to breathe out, clearing his throat as his voice had come out more rough than he expected it to.

“No need to. Can you tell me how far you are right now?” Ermal’s voice was calm, barely above a whisper; he did it every time after something like this happened, and Fabrizio was glad, he needed the soft tones now. He lifted his head to look at the screen showing the following stops and found the one he needed.

“I think I will be getting off at the next stop. Are you already there?” He kept his voice low as well, matching it to the one Ermal had used seconds ago.

“Yes. Though you need to get up to let the driver know you want to get off. Maybe do it now.”

“Yes, okay. See you in a bit.” Fabrizio ended the call and pocketed his phone, then got up, got his backpack and directed himself towards the door.   

As he got off the vehicle, he looked around, but could not see Ermal anywhere. He was on the verge of panicking again, already reaching to take out his phone, when he felt two thin arms wrap around him from behind,

“I’m here.”

And hearing that voice, finally not distorted from a phone, made Fabrizio relax immediately and he quickly turned into Ermal’s embrace, wrapping his own arms around the other and burying his face in the his neck. He let out an involuntary laugh; he was simply _so happy_ that he could not control himself. Ermal laughed too, strengthening his hold on Fabrizio and they just stood there for a while, losing themselves in the other.

It was Fabrizio who pulled away first, simply because he needed to see Ermal’s face, to see his smile, his eyes. And so he did, and he felt short of breath because he had forgotten what an effect seeing Ermal right in front of himself had on him. Especially Ermal who was smiling at him and had that light in his eyes, that Fabrizio was sure was also reflected in his own gaze.

“Wow, I can’t believe you’re actually here. You have no idea how much I’ve missed you!” Ermal captured his face and for a second Fabrizio was sure he was going to kiss him; but of course he didn’t, it was stupid of Fabrizio to even think it; Ermal was just happy to see his friend, that was all. So he grinned right back at Ermal,

“I think I might have an idea about that. I’m so glad we finally got to see each other.”

Ermal’s smile widened and he pulled Fabrizio for another hug, which he was quick to return. This time it was Ermal to pull away first,

“Come on, we have to get back to the campus, you must be tired after all that travelling today.”

And just now did Fabrizio actually realise that yes, he was exhausted and would like to just lay somewhere and simply talk with Ermal and do nothing else.

Also that it was cold. _Very_ much so. As Ermal had let go of him, he had nothing to hide behind from the wind and he felt shivers covering his body. He pulled his coat more tightly around himself lifting the scarf a bit to hide his face, then turned to Ermal, noticing that he had no scarf on himself.

“How are you not freezing like this?!”

Ermal turned to look at him, finding him all wrapped, and burst out laughing,

“Oh, I just had the time to get used to it. Are you sure you can breathe in there?”

“I can breathe just fine, thank you. Please, let’s go to your dorm as fast as we can because I am freezing.”

Ermal laughed once more before taking him lightly by the elbow (to which Fabrizio would never object) and started more or less pulling him behind. They reached the stop and were lucky enough to not have to wait as the bus that would take them to Ermal’s university arrived shortly after. They got on and found places to sit next to each other, Fabrizio leaning a bit on Ermal (for the heat that the other was emitting, _obviously_ ).

They didn’t really talk to each other during the short trip, simply enjoying the other’s company, and Fabrizio had missed this as much as everything else about Ermal. The way they would just sit, both of them never without moving, Fabrizio’s feet tapping an imaginary rhythm on the floor and Ermal’s fingers following it on Fabrizio’s tight. And during this no words were needed, the rhythm being the only method of communication they needed to understand the other; when one would accelerate it, the other would follow; when one would slow down, the other would do so too, without skipping a beat. Fabrizio liked to think that their hearths also beat in sync during those moments, yet he would never voice this exact thought to Ermal.

Soon, they reached the university and Ermal got a hold on Fabrizio’s elbow again, getting him to follow. As they were walking, Ermal pointed at some of the buildings, explaining their function, but the only thing Fabrizio was paying attention to was Ermal, his movements and his voice. At some point Ermal must have asked him something, because he had stopped speaking and was looking at him questionably.

“Sorry, I didn’t hear what you said.”

“That tired, huh? Well, then, let’s just go grab something to eat and then we can go to sleep, if you want.”

“Sure, yeah, okay.”

Ermal directed them to one of the nearby buildings, the one more or less in the centre of the campus if Fabrizio’s orientation was correct, and as they entered, Fabrizio was glad to find out that the buildings at least had their heating on. As he went on to untie his scarf, Ermal laughed,

“Seems like you’re finally not freezing.”

“It’s not my fault it’s so cold here.”

“I have no idea what you’re going to do if you ever go to a Scandinavian country.”

“I’ll go during the summer, obviously.”

“Okay, you have a point.”

They both laughed as they reached the lift, then entered and Ermal pressed the button for the seventh floor. The ride was quick and soon they were entering Ermal’s room. Fabrizio let his backpack fall next to the armchair and he took a look around.

“You like it?” There was a note of hesitation in Ermal’s voice and Fabrizio was not sure why it was there.

“Sure. Should I not?”

“Nonono, it’s just. I don’t know. Too strange? Too small? Too green?”

“It’s none of those things, calm down. It’s a room like many other rooms. I like the poster, though.” Fabrizio pointed to the massive nebula poster above Ermal’s bed and Ermal smiled at him widely,

“You do? I’m glad.” He then looked Fabrizio up and down (which made shivers go up Fabrizio’s spine, despite him still wearing his coat in the warm room) and then cleared his throat, “Shall we eat?”

“Yes, I’m starving.” And he actually was, given that the last time he had eaten was more than seven hours ago while he was still in Italy, and all the emotions had made him even more hungry.

“Well, take off your coat and follow me, then.”

Completely ignoring the effect these words had on him (and the image of another situation in which there words could have been said to him by Ermal), Fabrizio did as he was told and found himself in what was considered the kitchen.

“I’m sorry for the disarray,” Ermal began, gesturing at the countertops covered in different cutlery, dishes, some spices and were those pieces of bread?, “I tried asking my flatmates to clean more after themselves but no one seems to listen.”

“It’s okay?” Fabrizio tore his horrified eyes away from the, uh, _thing_ on one of the countertops and turned to look at Ermal who was walking towards the fridge.

“So, I have some minestrone that I cooked yesterday, but if you want something else, just say and we can get it. We can even order in, if you want.”

“Minestrone is okay, thank you. It’s enough that I’ll be eating all your food, we don’t have to go through all the trouble from ordering.”

“Stop it, you know it’s no big deal you eating any of this, back at home we did that all the time.”

“Sure, yes, but it’s still your food.”

“Exactly, and this is why I offered that we order. I don’t know if this would be good enough.” Ermal smiled embarrassedly at Fabrizio after having put the pot on one of the cookers and turned it on to heat it up.

“Last time we cooked something together it turned out to be one of the most delicious things I had ever eaten, so I don’t get why you’d think it wouldn’t be good enough.”

“Maybe because it was you doing the most part and I just helped you a bit and managed to not set your kitchen on fire.”

“That’s not true and you know it.” Fabrizio had gotten up and had gone in front of Ermal who was still standing next to the stove. And Fabrizio was a second away from reaching out and taking his hand in his, but realised what he was about to do in time and managed to hold himself back. “I mean, you’ve managed to feed yourself for what, more than three months now, and you’re fine. So why are you so worried?”

“Because it’s you.” Ermal whispered, evading Fabrizio’s gaze.

“Well, exactly because it’s me, there’s nothing for you to worry about!” This time Fabrizio did not stop himself from reaching and put his hands on Ermal’s shoulders. This made Ermal lift his head and look at Fabrizio and Fabrizio smiled at him.

“If you don’t like it, just tell me and we’ll order in, okay?”

“I will like it, trust me.” To illustrate his point, Fabrizio went on to one of the drawers, got out a spoon and went to the pot with the minestrone, taking off the top, stirring it a bit and then trying a sip. “See, it’s nice. You may have only forgotten the bay laurel leaves, that’s why it’s not as aromatic.”

“So you don’t like it?”

Fabrizio turned to look at Ermal in disbelief,

“I literally told you it’s nice and you still think I don’t like it? Ermal, please, it’s delicious. One herb more or less doesn’t ruin it.” Ermal didn’t look entirely convinced, but at least he nodded, so Fabrizio moved to stir the minestrone a few more times, “I think it’s  warm enough now. What do we eat it out of?”

“Yes, of course, give me a second.” Ermal seemed to get out of the almost-defeated state he had been in for some reason and went to one of the countertops close to the window to get them two deep plates to eat from. He brought them over and Fabrizio filled them generously and then turned off the stove. They brought their food to one of the tables and settled down to eat, Ermal still throwing Fabrizio looks from time to time.

After a while, their conversation started to flow easily again, turning to some of the projects they had been working on lately and how much they had progressed (or not) on them. They went on to other small topics, laughing about a joke one of them would make from time to time, and soon they finished their food and went to the sink to clean, Ermal washing and Fabrizio drying off. And Fabrizio enjoyed the domesticity of it, whished that he could have this every day and started imagining what it would be like, living with Ermal full-time.

Yet, before he could lose himself completely in those images, a girl entered the kitchen and greeted Ermal, then stopped in her tracks when she noticed him. She looked him up and down and Fabrizio felt uneasy under her gaze; it was so different from when Ermal would do it that Fabrizio whished it would be him looking instead of the girl. Her eyes reached his face again and her narrowed expression gave way to a smile,

“Ah, you’re Fabrizio, right?”

It was Fabrizio’s turn to be confused, so he nodded and turned a questioning look at Ermal, who spoke next,

“Fabbri, lei è Jessica. Jess, this is Fabrizio, yes.”

Ah, so _this_ was the Jess Ermal spoke about so often. She was at least a head shorter than both of them, had short dark hair and a complexion a bit paler than Ermal’s. Yet, she had a powerful stance and Fabrizio thought that he would grow to like her as Ermal did.

“Ciao, pleasure to meet you.” Fabrizio offered her his hand which she took in an impressive grip.

“Hey, so you do speak English. Ermal lied to me, then.”

“Eh, no, I don’t speak well. Ermal will translate.” Fabrizio smiled at her embarrassedly, hoping that she wouldn’t think less of him for his lack of language skills. She seemed not to mind though, as she turned to Ermal with a smirk,

“Looks like that Languages degree you’re working on would be useful, after all.”

“Yeah, at least that.” And while saying that, Ermal smiled at him for some reason. Fabrizio smiled back on instinct, because really, if Ermal was smiling at him he couldn’t help himself.

“So, will you two go off to get it on now or are you still not done here?” Jess spoke again, and Fabrizio did not understand almost anything of it, but it must not have been something nice because Ermal turned to her with a scandalized expression,

“No, Jess, shut up, it’s not like that at all!”

Jessica burst out laughing and it did not make things clearer to Fabrizio. But when Ermal mumbled something at her among the lines of ‘please don’t do that’ Jessica actually stopped laughing and took another good look at them. Then her expression changed as if she had realised something unexpected,

“Oh, so he doesn’t know!” at her exclamation, Ermal facepalmed and Fabrizio became even more confused.

“Ermal, cosa c’è che non so?”

“Lascia stare, Fabbri, non importa.” Ermal’s expression and tone of voice were almost imploring and Fabrizio had absolutely no idea what was going on, but decided he would trust Ermal, and maybe ask for answers later. Ermal turned back to Jess, “Of course not, you see him here, don’t you?”

“I still don’t get why you’d think that he’d take off the moment you tell him. I mean, from what I’ve seen, I got a completely different impression.” Jess leaned back in her chair while she was speaking (Fabrizio still not understanding almost anything, her strong accent not helping at all) and crossed her arms on her chest.

“That’s because you don’t know him. Just, leave it be and please don’t say anything on the matter. Please.” Ermal’s tone continued to be imploring, but it was also tired now. And Fabrizio was also getting tired of not knowing what was going on, but Ermal had told him to let it be, so he would try to do that.

“Fine. But you better do something about it because he is _fine_. Someone might steal him from you if you don’t do anything.” Jess winked at him and he felt himself blush, despite the confusion. Then he turned to Ermal and found him with his eyes narrowed at Jess, who seemed to see him too, because she laughed again, “Calm down, I wasn’t referring to myself.”

“You better not be.” Then Ermal turned to him, “Vorresti che andiamo in camera o rimanere qui a chiacchere con lei ancora un po’?”

“So’ un po’ stanco quindi penso che sia meglio che ce ne andiamo. Non è che non mi piace la tua amica, è solo che..”

“Non mi devi delle spiegazioni, Fabbri, ho capito.” Ermal then turned back to Jess, “We’re going to my room because he’s tired. See you tomorrow.” And he went off to the door, stopping there to wait for Fabrizio.

Fabrizio, on his part, went to Jess, took her hand to shake it again and smiled at her,

“Nice to meet you, see you tomorrow.”

Jess smiled back at him, seemingly satisfied,

“Pleasure’s all mine.”

Then Fabrizio went off to reach Ermal and they directed themselves towards Ermal’s room at the end of the corridor. Once inside, Ermal sighed and turned to Fabrizio,

“I’m sorry about Jess. Sometimes she tends to be very… direct.”

“What are you apologizing for? She seems nice. Is it about that thing she said that I didn’t quite get?”

That seemed to surprise Ermal,

“You… didn’t?”

“Yes, but if you could tell me what it was, that would be nice.”

Ermal seemed to hesitate and Fabrizio worried that maybe he had overstepped something, he had pried where he shouldn’t have.

“If you don’t want to tell me, then it’s fine too, you don’t have to.”

“No, no, it’s just. It was a joke that went a bit too far, there’s nothing to worry about.”

“Okay, I trust you. But if it worries you, know that you can always tell me, right?”

“Yes, of course.” Ermal smiled at him and Fabrizio smiled back, glad that the thing was apparently not as serious as he had feared. Then his smile was interrupted by a sudden yawn, which made Ermal laugh.

“Okay, you were not joking about being tired. Let me make the bed.”

Oh, right. The bed. Fabrizio had failed to find an air-mattress and now they would have to sleep in Ermal’s bed. Together.

“I’m so sorry you’ll have to share your bed with me, I really tried to find a mattress, went to eight different places, but for some reason they didn’t have any and I’m really sorry, truly, I can sleep on the floor too, that’s fine-“

“Of course you wouldn’t be sleeping on the floor, don’t be an idiot!” Ermal interrupted him in the middle of his word-vomiting and as Fabrizio was about to begin again, Ermal spoke over him, “It’s not a problem, I know it’s not a double bed and it’s a bit small but neither you nor me move much while we sleep so we should be fine. I’m more worried about you being uncomfortable than anything, truly.”

“No, don’t be, it’s enough that I’ll be taking up your space-“

“I told you to stop, it’s not a problem.”

“Okay, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Ermal smiled at him and by reflex Fabrizio did the same. Well, if Ermal was saying that it was not a problem, then Fabrizio would do his best to keep it that way and not do anything stupid while they slept.

Without saying much more, they got ready for the night and laid on the bed, Ermal next to the wall and Fabrizio on the outer side, both of them laying on their side with their backs to each other so that they would take as little space as possible. They wished each other goodnight and Ermal turned off the light, settling deeper under the covers (and closer to Fabrizio) to sleep.

And Fabrizio tried to settle, too. He closed his eyes, calmed his breathing, tried to turn off his brain. But the heat of Ermal’s body against his and his quiet breathing pulled him away from his sleep more and more. His mind went to all the scenarios in which he could ruin this and no matter how hard he tried to ignore them, they just wouldn’t stop coming to him. He had no idea for how long that went on, but apparently long enough for Ermal to fall asleep deeply. And deeply enough to turn in his sleep and put his arm around Fabrizio, pulling him closer. Well. That felt better than he had imagined. For some reason it seemed to finally shut off his brain and he leaned further into the heat of Ermal’s body, this time successfully drifting off to sleep.


	10. X

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again, I'm soooooo sorry about the late update, the vacation turned out not to be a vacation.   
> I planned to have this published before 2018 ended but things happened and I couldn't, unfortunately.   
> And this chapter turned out a bit longer than usual but it's also maybe messier, so sorry about that as well.  
> Hope you enjoy it!

Waking up, Fabrizio did not feel like moving at all. He could still feel Ermal’s arm around him, holding him close, and the heat of the other’s chest against his back. So, very carefully as to not wake Ermal up, he shuffled even closer and closed his eyes, allowing himself a few more minutes of something that he had imagined so many times and had thought that would never get to have.

Unfortunately, his brain could apparently never keep silent for long and it chose then to remind him that things would probably get awkward if Ermal were to wake up and find Fabrizio snuggled up to him like that. He would then perhaps ask for an explanation and Fabrizio would be forced to tell him the truth since he could never lie to Ermal and then it could all be over. So, with a sigh, he carefully lifted Ermal’s arm – the difficult thing was to get him asleep, once done even a heard of elephants would not wake him up before him getting enough sleep – and got up, adjusting the duvet so that it covered Ermal fully and he wouldn’t get cold. Trying to make as little sound as possible, Fabrizio directed himself towards the bathroom, glad he didn’t meet any of Ermal’s flatmates along the way or inside.

Once back in Ermal’s room, he dressed himself (putting on a grey pullover over the black t-shirt, he didn’t want to freeze to death given that they would be going out to the town today) and walked over to Ermal to wake him up. Ermal had moved over to where Fabrizio had slept, burying his face in the pillow, and Fabrizio regretted once again that he was taking up Ermal’s space when the other clearly was more comfortable with having more of it and that he had not insisted enough on sleeping on the floor instead. Carefully, he got a loose hold of Ermal’s shoulder and shook him lightly,

“Wake up, Ermal, you promised me we’ll explore the town today.”

That wasn’t enough to raise Ermal, who only mumbled something and buried himself deeper against the pillow. Fabrizio smiled and shook him again, now more insistently, calling out his name once more. This time he was successful as Ermal turned his head to throw a murderous look at Fabrizio, who could not help but burst out laughing.

“You’re terrible sometimes, you know?” Ermal’s voice was rougher than usual because of its disuse and it did _things_ to Fabrizio. He swallowed and tried to play it off as if nothing had happened,

“The absolute worst, I know. Now get up, we only have a day.”

“Unfortunately,” Ermal sighed and did actually rise from the bed, yawning. Then he went off towards the bathroom, leaving Fabrizio alone in the room, who tried to distract himself from the thought of just a day being truly too little by looking at the things on Ermal’s desk. There, right underneath the timetable, in the easiest place to see right across from the chair, was a framed photograph of the two of them laughing and looking at the other. It was the first time Fabrizio was seeing it and he had no idea where Ermal had taken it from – it must have been one of their friends, taking it without their knowledge and then Ermal somehow learning about it, who knows – but the fact that Ermal had it in the first place made Fabrizio’s heartbeat increase. It probably meant nothing, they were best friends for years now after all, it was a normal thing to do, but Fabrizio desperately wished that it meant something more, something _so much_ more than just him missing his best friend. 

Ermal chose this moment to come back in the room, making Fabrizio look away from the photograph, trying to calm himself down. Luckily, Ermal didn’t seem to notice anything as he simply went on to change into warmer clothes and Fabrizio tried his best to focus his attention on Ermal’s notes discarded messily all over the desk, _definitely not_ blushing. As Ermal moved on to making the bed, Fabrizio deemed it safe enough to turn his attention back to him, only to regret it immediately because now he had Ermal in his impossibly tight jeans bending over to straighten out the covers. Why was it him who had to always suffer?!

“Breakfast!” he broke the silence, practically jumping out of the chair he had sat in, his voice a pitch too high. Ermal turned to him with wide eyes and Fabrizio cleared his throat before continuing, “I’m going to the kitchen to start on breakfast, that’s what I meant, yes. Do you have any preferences?”

Ermal blinked at him twice, then smiled,

“Ehm, not really, I don’t usually have breakfast, so help yourself to whatever you want.”

“Oh, nonono, we can’t have that. You’re eating too, don’t even try to argue. When you’re done here, take the moka pot and the actual coffee I brought for you from my backpack and join me in the kitchen.”

“But Fabbri, you shouldn’t have brought anything! Why-“

“Because I couldn’t let you keep poisoning yourself with that instant garbage you kept drinking. Now don’t argue about that too, just accept it.” And with that Fabrizio left the room, trying to get the image of Ermal leaning over the bed out of his mind.

Once in the kitchen, he opened the fridge to see what there was for him to work with and decided he would make bruschette with tomatoes and olives. He put the pieces of bread in the toaster and moved on to chop the tomatoes and olives, then mix them with a bit of olive oil and oregano. Just as he was putting the mix on the bread, Ermal walked in the room and set the pot and the coffee on the cupboard, turning to look at what he was doing,

“You made bruschette?” Ermal sounded as if he couldn’t believe what he was seeing and Fabrizio turned to find the other looking at him with wide eyes.

“Yes, I did.”

“They’re my favourite,” Ermal’s voice was only slightly above a whisper and Fabrizio found himself smiling at the other,

“I know, that’s why I made them.”

At that Ermal smiled brightly at him and Fabrizio thought that he had made the right decision; if this was all it took to get Ermal to smile at him like this, he would gladly do it every single day, only to have Ermal’s whole face illuminate like that. He bit his lip to stop himself from grinning even wider and moved to get the packet of coffee, but before he could, Ermal caught his hand,

“Leave it to me, you already made the breakfast. Just go sit at the table and start eating if you want. I can manage a simple coffee without setting anything on fire.”

They both laughed and Fabrizio took the two plates with the bruschette and moved to sit on the table, while Ermal made them coffee. A few minutes later, Ermal joined him on the table, handing him a steaming cup,

“I told you not to wait for me and to start eating.”

“I know, but I wanted to wait for you.”

Ermal rolled his eyes, yet still smiled at him and Fabrizio hid his own smile behind his cup of coffee. They ate in silence and when finished went off to clean up together, Ermal washing up and Fabrizio drying off, as they had done the previous night and Fabrizio felt a pang at the thought that maybe he would never truly have this domesticity as he wanted.

Once done, they went back to Ermal’s room, put on their coats, Fabrizio tying his scarf tightly around himself and Ermal laughing at him, and then left to go catch the bus that would take them to the town centre. During the ride they watched the houses passing by for a while, until Ermal broke the silence,

“Next year I’ll have to move out of the campus to a house just like these here. We’ve been looking for one to share with Jess and Juliana, who you’ll get to meet tonight, but so far we haven’t decided on anything.”

“Oh, so you’ll get to live all alone with not one, but two girls, huh?” Fabrizio tried to sound teasing, to smirk at Ermal, to hide how jealous he was that someone else was going to have with Ermal exactly that what he so wished about; someone else would get to wake up to Ermal every day, would go back home to Ermal every evening, would spend their weekends with him, would fall asleep on the sofa watching a film or reading, would get to do even the small everyday things with Ermal, and Fabrizio felt his throat close up at those thoughts.

“If you’re trying to imply something with this, don’t, we’re nothing but friends and none of us have any intention to change that, trust me.” Ermal gave him a look, but before Fabrizio could decipher it, he turned away to look out of the window, “Come on, we should get off here.” With that they both stood up, trying to keep their balance as the vehicle took the sharp turns along the narrow streets.

Once off the bus, Fabrizio looked around, trying his best to ignore that feeling of being out of place and decided to focus on Ermal instead who was already looking at him,

“Okay, could we go to a bookstore first because there’s this book that I want to get Jess as a Christmas present? If you don’t want to, I can do that tomorrow or some other day, it’s fine.”

“No, I don’t mind, let’s go now.”

Ermal smiled at him gratefully and took out his phone, unlocking it. Fabrizio tried to hold back his laughter,

“Oh, are you opening GoogleMaps, Ermal? What is it, you don’t trust your impeccable orientation skills?”

At that Ermal sent him another murderous look and Fabrizio could no longer hold his laughter back. Ermal sighed, caught him by the elbow and started pulling him in some direction, all the while Fabrizio was still laughing.

What it took for him to stop was the strong gust of wind that surprised them when they took a turn at a corner a couple of minutes later and Fabrizio instinctively moved closer to Ermal, lifting up his scarf a bit with his free hand. Noticing this, Ermal linked their arms and made sure Fabrizio was as close to him as he could get, which served only to make Fabrizio blush and he was glad he had hidden his face in his scarf. To divert his attention from the feeling of Ermal’s warm body next to his own, of the way Ermal’s hip would lightly rub against his own with each step they took, of how perfectly they fit against each other like this, Fabrizio turned to look at their surroundings and realised that with Ermal by his side, England didn’t seem as foreign as before. But then again, if Ermal was with him, he would feel well anywhere in the world because, after all, Ermal _was_ his home. 

Once in the bookstore, as Ermal went to ask for the specific book, Fabrizio found himself actually enjoying the cosy interior, not giving mind to all the booktitles he did not understand, and instead focused on how the shelves had been composed in such a way that the natural light from the windows reached as far inside the small store as possible. Before he could start regretting not having his sketchbook with him, Ermal joined him, the book he was looking for in a small paper bag in his hand, and smiled at him,

“Where to, now?”

“I don’t know, it’s you who lives here and knows what’s there to see so I’m entirely in your hands.”

“Okay then, would you like to see the cathedral?”

“Sure, why not?”

They left the bookstore and Ermal linked their arms once again, taking out his phone to look for the way. And Fabrizio could not help but notice that all the buildings around them were pretty much the same, not only in style but also in colour, or more accurately the lack thereof. If it wasn’t for the occasional colourful door, everything would be fully monochrome, and Fabrizio decided that he would never again complain about the city he currently lived in being too grey. Then he caught the reflection of Ermal in one of the windows and suddenly everything seemed colourful again, despite Ermal’s coat also being grey. Ermal met his gaze in the glass and put his tongue out at him, making Fabrizio laugh and, okay, he couldn’t care less about the buildings and how colourless they were if he had Ermal. Ermal grinned back at him and Fabrizio felt warmth spread inside of him, making him almost immune to the surrounding cold.

They soon reached the cathedral and stopped in the square to look at it from below. Fabrizio’s eyes followed its dramatic vertical lines, distinguished the small elements on the arched windows, went over to the tower, then he turned to Ermal,

“Can we go around it so I could see it from all sides?”

Ermal nodded at him with a smile and, without letting go of his arm (and Fabrizio had gotten so comfortable with Ermal’s hold on him that he would feel as if a limb had been torn away if Ermal were to let him go), led him to the east. As Fabrizio was busy studying the building, Ermal made sure they got through the crowds of people without crashing into anyone until they found themselves back in the square.

“I found it endearing how you’re always so aware of your surroundings except for when there’s a new interesting building for you to admire.” Ermal was looking at him with that soft smile that Fabrizio adored so much and if getting to see it all the time would mean never seeing a new type of building, then Fabrizio would gladly go along with it.

“Well, uhm, it’s different and you know how I am, it’s just-“

“I know, don’t worry. You have me to be aware of everything else.” Ermal’s smile widened and Fabrizio smiled instinctively in turn, feeling his cheeks reddening (and hoping it could easily be blamed on the cold). Ermal threw a quick look at the cathedral, then turned back towards him, “Could you tell me a bit about it?”

“Really? I don’t want to bore you-“

“You wouldn’t. I enjoy listening to you speak about what you love. So, yes, really, tell me about it.”

“If you’re sure. But the moment I start to bore you, please tell me to shut up, I won’t get offended. Promise?” Fabrizio waited for Ermal to nod, then took a breath and turned to the cathedral, “Okay, so, it is a typical Gothic cathedral, but of the English type. It is obviously different from the Italian type, though it might seem very similar to the French one, yet it is not the same. While the French put an emphasis on the vertical lines, the English do that with the horizontal ones. You can clearly distinguish each level of the building, no?” Fabrizio gestured at the lines, moving his hand horizontally to make it easier for Ermal to follow him, then stopped his movement on a buttress, “Do you see those parts that look like leaning columns? They’re called flying buttresses and they’re a typical gothic element used to support the building’s height, as gothic cathedrals were built deliberately as tall as possible, not only to make them the most imposing building in the city, but also for symbolic reasons. The support that the walls gained by the buttresses allowed there to be made more and bigger windows which made the interior filled with natural light, the complete opposite of the Romanesque churches which are relatively low in height and also have darker interiors. Then, Gothic buildings are much more decorated than the Romanesque ones, look at the sculptures and all the details above the entrances and along the towers. And the main tower, it’s not square as it would be usual, but it’s oblong instead. Which would mean that the central nave would be wider than twice the side aisle as is usually the norm.” Fabrizio pointed at the tower at the centre of the building, then turned towards Ermal to find him staring at him with a small smile on his face. “What’s so funny? Did I make a mistake?”

“I don’t know and wouldn’t care. Do carry on.”

Fabrizio wasn’t entirely convinced that Ermal didn’t find him funny, because really, he had no idea how else to interpret Ermal’s expression, so he simply decided to ignore it and continue speaking. He took a breath and went on again, turning back towards the cathedral,

“As I already mentioned, Gothic buildings are much more decorated than earlier buildings. But this isn’t the only difference. The statues themselves are way more realistic than earlier ones. They are also not entirely engaged to the walls, but are sculpted in such a way that they would seem not to be connected to the building at all. Do you see there, next to the entrance?” Fabrizio pointed at one of the sculptures and turned to look at Ermal and almost fell as Ermal captured his face between his hands and kissed him.

Ermal was definitely kissing him. Had put both his hands on Fabrizio’s cheeks and had closed his eyes. And had his lips on Fabrizio’s, pressing lightly. Ah.

Fabrizio blinked twice, let his hand (that was still pointing stupidly at the sculpture) fall, then closed his eyes and buried his hands in Ermal’s (soft, _oh_ so soft) curls, pulling him closer and returning the kiss.

All that existed for Fabrizio then was the feeling of Ermal’s slightly cold yet still soft lips against his; of Ermal’s cold hands against his own burning cheeks; of Ermal’s soft locks between his fingers; of Ermal’s whole presence next to him. As if the whole world had disappeared and all that was left was him and Ermal.

Then, after what seemed like and eternity yet had probably been less than a minute, Ermal pulled away and looked at Fabrizio with a shy smile, still not taking away his hands. Fabrizio grinned widely at him, moving his own hands away from Ermal’s curls and putting them over Ermal’s, intertwining their fingers. In Ermal’s eyes shone that light that could brighten up the whole world and Fabrizio felt himself falling in love even further.

“I’m sorry, it’s just… you light up so much when you speak about architecture and I simply couldn’t help myself.” Ermal was the first to break the silence, making Fabrizio grin even wider (he was sure his face would hurt later, but in that moment nothing else mattered than Ermal).

“Don’t you dare apologise, I’ve been waiting for you for years.”

“Really? I’m sorry, I didn’t-“

And Fabrizio kissed him again, just because he could and because Ermal had nothing to apologise for, quite on the contrary, actually.

“Stop it. If it wasn’t for you kissing me just now, I would have never gotten the courage to do anything about it. So, really, it should be me apologising for not doing anything earlier.”

Ermal pulled him in a hug, Fabrizio automatically burying his face in the other’s neck, and then whispered,

“It doesn’t matter. What’s important now is that you finally know that I…” here Ermal hesitated, but Fabrizio could not stop himself from speaking up,

“I’m in love with you. I _do_ love you. Don’t feel obligated to say it back, I just wanted, no, _needed_ you to know it.”

“Me too.” Ermal pulled back from the hug, still holding him only a hand away, and smiled brightly at him, “Fabbri, me too, truly.”

They giggled at each other like children, too happy to care, and Fabrizio would give his life to have Ermal always be this happy for the rest of their lives.

Then, reality seemed to crawl back into their senses and Ermal took a small step back, taking Fabrizio’s hand in his and intertwining their fingers,

“Would you like to the Roman baths? They’re right across the square.”

Fabrizio nodded and Ermal led him towards the entrance of the building on the south side of the square. There, they found a list with the prices of the tickets and Fabrizio’s eyes widened,

“Are they insane?! My flight here was cheaper! And it’s not even like they are the only Roman baths remaining in the world, back in Italy we have enough of them.” He then turned to Ermal, “Let’s just skip them and go somewhere else instead.”

“Okay. We could go to the Parade gardens along the river, it’s really beautiful there.”

“Sure, let’s do that.”

And Fabrizio let himself be led by Ermal. But he could no longer concentrate on their surroundings; all his senses were overtaken by the feeling of Ermal’s hand in his and the sight of Ermal leading him along the narrow streets.

Then they stopped and Ermal turned to look at him expectantly, yet all Fabrizio did was continue to look back and smile at him. Ermal smiled, clearly amused,

“I’m flattered by all the attention, but won’t you at least take a look?”

“I am looking, trust me.”

“I meant the river, Fabbri.”

“Oh.” Right, Ermal had brought them to some gardens. Pretending to ignore Ermal’s laughter, Fabrizio turned towards the greenery and okay, Ermal was right, they were arranged nicely. Then he looked back at Ermal and, _wow_ , he was beautiful, with his soft smile, his kind eyes and his soft curls. “So beautiful.”

Ermal blushed and looked down, his hand squeezing Fabrizio’s lightly,

“You didn’t even look properly.”

“Trust me, I did. And I still am.” Fabrizio decided that the light pink that had covered Ermal’s cheeks suited him; it contrasted nicely with his pale complexion and softened his sharp features.

Ermal lifted his gaze to meet his eyes then and Fabrizio felt a shiver run down his spine; the fire that always burned in Ermal’s eyes was even brighter now, making the look he sent Fabrizio much more intense. And just as Fabrizio thought he would kiss him again, Ermal turned away and pulled him after himself,

“Let’s go see the bridge. It’s covered and looks a bit like il Ponte Vecchio in Florence, but it’s much smaller and much less colourful.”

They did reach the bridge, yet Ermal didn’t stop; instead he continued pulling Fabrizio behind himself as they crossed it, then turned right immediately after it and entered one of the small towers, going down the stairs and stopping at the first turn so suddenly that Fabrizio almost crashed into his back. When he had regained his balance, he found Ermal staring at him once more and looked around confusedly,

“When you said that we’d see the bridge, this is not exactly what I imagined.”

“That’s because you lack imagination.” Ermal’s voice was lower than previously and before Fabrizio could argue, Ermal had pushed him against the stone wall and was kissing him. And okay, Fabrizio couldn’t care less about the bridge, having Ermal holding him like that was much more important.

And then Ermal moved his mouth on Fabrizio’s neck and _oh_ , okay, this was the best bridge in the world.

Suddenly Ermal pulled away and Fabrizio opened his eyes to look confusedly at him,

“Why’d you stop?”

“Someone’s coming. Can’t you hear the footsteps?” Ermal had the audacity to smirk at him and Fabrizio sbuffed, rolling his eyes. “We should probably get back to the campus either way, the sun will set soon and I have a great view of that from my window.”

“Okay, yeah, let’s do that.” Fabrizio was still out of breath and cursed himself for that as Ermal’s smirk only widened. “It’s all your fault.”

“I know.” Ermal sounded incredibly pleased with himself as he got a hold of Fabrizio’s hand again and led him up the stairs.

On their way up they did really meet the people who had been descending – a family with two little children – and Fabrizio was glad that Ermal had heard them, otherwise it would have been a very awkward meeting.

Once out of the tower, Ermal led him through the narrow streets once more and this time Fabrizio paid even less attention to his surroundings. But, hey, who could blame him, when he had Ermal in front of himself to look at?

Once they were back at Ermal’s room, they both settled on the bed, leaning against each other with Fabrizio’s arm around Ermal’s waist, and looked out of the window. Ermal had been right when he had said that the view was great: one could see the nearby hills and, with the sun setting behind them, the whole sky had been coloured in reds and oranges. They sat there in silence, Ermal’s thumb caressing his hand, and Fabrizio didn’t want to be anywhere else in the world then.

As the last visible part of the disc hid behind the hills, Ermal turned towards him and kissed him, putting a hand on his cheek. Fabrizio sighed against the other’s lips, moving one hand to bury it in Ermal’s curls, pulling him closer with the other that was still around his waist. And then Ermal turned fully, climbing on his lap and pushing him down against the pillow. Fabrizio couldn’t help but let out a moan as Ermal’s lips had once more found their way to his neck, surely working on leaving a mark. Lifting his leg, Fabrizio put it around Ermal’s and pulled him as close as he could, which was still _not enough_. Ermal obviously had the same idea as his hand had slipped underneath Fabrizio’s pullover, moving upwards painfully slowly and driving Fabrizio absolutely insane.

Before Fabrizio could lose the last drop of self-control he possessed and take things in his own hands, however, there was a knock on the door which made Ermal sigh annoyedly and, with an apologetic look at Fabrizio, he got up to see who was interrupting them.

“Hey, Jess, what’s up?” Ermal sounded just as out of breath as Fabrizio felt and that served to calm down the last insecurity he had about Ermal not truly feeling the same way, and so he allowed himself a small relieved smile.

Jessica responded something with a very amused tone and Ermal responded her with the most sarcastic laughter Fabrizio had ever heard, then told her they’d be there shortly and closed the door, going back to Fabrizio, who was still laying on the bed.

“Jess told me that Juliana would be here in about half an hour for the pre-game and that we’d have enough time to get ourselves presentable.”

Fabrizio laughed at Ermal’s annoyed tone, which only made Ermal pout and Fabrizio got up from the bed and gave him a light kiss,

“Let’s get ourselves presentable then, and after that we should go eat something because we’re definitely not drinking on empty stomachs.”

“Sure, just give me a second.” Ermal gave him a brief kiss (and Fabrizio would deny he leaned after him in search of Ermal’s lips after Ermal had already gone away) and then moved over to the small mirror, trying to get his curls in some order, while Fabrizio leaned against the opposite wall and looked Ermal up and down (just because he could now do it freely and without fear).

After Ermal was (more or less) done, they went into the kitchen and Ermal opened the fridge, looking through what he had,

“Well, we can have salmon, if you know how to cook it.”

“You bought it without knowing how to?” Fabrizio bit his lip to stop himself from laughing as Ermal threw him a murderous look,

“I was going to google some recipes, but now that you’re here, I hopefully won’t need to. So do you want salmon or not?”

“Yes, salmon’s okay.” As Ermal raised his brow, Fabrizio continued amusedly, “I know how to cook it, don’t worry. Just need some lemon, oregano and olive oil.”

“Good.” Ermal took the fish and the fruit out of the fridge, letting the door close by itself, and moved to leave them at the counter. As Fabrizio unpacked the salmon, Ermal got the herb and the oil and brought them over as well, then looked over at Fabrizio, “What can I do?”

“You could squeeze out the juice of half the lemon. And get me a pan first, please.”

Ermal nodded and did as asked. Fabrizio put some olive oil in the pan, after that the fish and rubbed some oregano on it, then added the lemon juice after Ermal had finished with it and put it on the stove, getting a wooden utensil in the meanwhile. He then felt Ermal’s arms surrounding his waist from behind and Ermal leaning against him, putting his chin on Fabrizio’s shoulder,

“I wish I could have this with you all the time.” Ermal whispered in his ear and Fabrizio felt his face split in a grin,

“Perhaps one day we could have it, after you come back home.”

“Mmhm.” Ermal kissed his neck lightly and Fabrizio let his head fall back, giving Ermal more space and, clearly, more confidence as Ermal augmented the kisses, drawing a sigh from Fabrizio.

They were interrupted once more, however, this time by the sizzling of the fish on the stove. Fabrizio hurried to turn it around while Ermal leaned his forehead against Fabrizio’s shoulder, letting out a soft giggle. They stood like this until the fish was done, then put the table and sat down to eat. During the meal they kept mostly silent, not counting Ermal complimenting Fabrizio’s cooking, and only threw each other the occasional look, which was enough for them to understand what the other meant with it.

When they had finished cleaning up, they settled down on the table once again and didn’t have to wait long before they were joined by Jessica and what had to be Juliana. They both got up, Ermal, going to hug them both, and Fabrizio smiled at them and gave his hand to Juliana in a greeting,

“Hi, I’m Fabrizio.”

“Hey, it’s so nice to finally meet you, Ermal’s been going on about you forever!” She smiled brightly at him, completely foregoing his hand, and pulled him in a hug, surprising him, but he was quick to recover and returned the brief hug.

Then he turned to Jessica only to find her staring at him with narrowed eyes. He narrowed his own in confusion and she pointed at her own neck,

“You seem to have something there.”

Fabrizio reached to touch his neck and _oh_ , that’s where Ermal had been kissing him a while ago. He blushed and turned to look embarrassedly at Ermal, who looked back at him, biting his lip.

“Ah, so you two finally worked it out!” Jessica seemed pleased by the events and patted both his and Ermal’s shoulder (surprisingly strongly for her small statue) and Ermal threw him an apologetic look, while Fabrizio found the whole scene oddly amusing. “Well, that’s one more reason to celebrate then!” Jessica then went off to one of the cupboards and took out three bottles of alcohol, taking them back to the table. Juliana grinned as well and took out some juice, some suspiciously looking carbonated drink and some plastic cups from her backpack, setting them down next to the alcohol, after which the girls took a sit at one side of the table, gesturing for Ermal and Fabrizio to do the same.

Once settled, Jessica took out a deck of cards from somewhere while Juliana filled all their cups with a mixture of one of the alcohols and the strange carbonated drink. Fabrizio threw a worried look at Ermal, who just shrugged as to tell him to simply follow along. Then Jessica started to give out cards and Fabrizio gave another look at Ermal, who finally decided to explain what was happening,

“Giochiamo a belot. Per ogni mano che perdi devi bere un sorso. Loro due bevono di più perché vogliono ubriacarsi, ma tu non devi farlo se non vuoi.”

Fabrizio nodded and took the given cards in his hand.

As the game went on, he and Ermal had to drink only a few times, despite not being the best players. But the girls seemed to be losing on purpose as they had gotten progressively more and more drunk with time. And then one of the bottles had been finished and neither Jessica nor Juliana could stop laughing at nothing.

Another half a bottle down, Juliana decided it was time to go to the club downstairs and had gotten up from her chair and was trying to pull Jessica up with her, only for them to fall over each other on the floor. Ermal and Fabrizio had gotten up as well, neither of them nearly as affected by the alcohol as the girls, and helped them up, each holding one of them not to fall back. Ermal looked up at Fabrizio,

“Dobbiamo portarle nella camera di Jessica e lasciarle sdraiarsi sul letto. E’ la camera vicina alla mia.”

Yet saying it was harder than actually doing it, as along the way the girls continued laughing and talking nonsense, stumbling over their own feet and making it incredibly difficult for Ermal and Fabrizio to hold them up and walk forward. As they finally reached Jessica’s room and let the girls lay on the bed on their sides, Ermal got the waste bin from under the desk and put it close to the girls’ heads. Then, Ermal took a seat at the desk chair and pointed to the armchair for Fabrizio to sit down as well,

“Mi dispiace davvero, Fabbri, non volevo che stasera andasse così, ma non possiamo lasciarle in queste condizioni da sole.”

“Tranquillo, prima ci prendiamo cura di loro e poi vedremo come va.”

Ermal nodded at him thankfully and Fabrizio smiled back at him and settled down in the armchair.

Soon the girls had stopped laughing, the alcohol clearly saying its word, and Juliana was the first to bend over the bin to vomit. Ermal leaned over her to hold back her hair while Fabrizio went back to the kitchen to take some glasses with water.

The next two hours were spent taking care of the girls and making sure they fell asleep on their sides so they would be fine during the night. They went back to Ermal’s room absolutely exhausted and fell on the bed straight away, without even bothering to take off their clothes first. This night, however, they were not laying with their backs to each other. Instead, Fabrizio was laying on his back and had his arm around Ermal, who was laying partially on top of him.

“I’m really sorry for tonight, Fabbri. I promised you a Christmas party and instead-“

“It’s okay, it’s not even Christmas yet. We’ll still get to celebrate it back at home anyway.”

“I’m really looking forward to it. I have a feeling that this year it’ll be better than usually.”

Fabrizio smiled and leaned over to kiss the top of Ermal’s curls, then settled to sleep, falling victim to Morpheus almost immediately, as he had Ermal here truly _with_ him.

***

As Fabrizio opened his eyes the next morning, he reached for his phone to check the time and, once having seen it, he shot up from the bed, making Ermal almost fall off and waking him up in the most terrible way possible.

“Good morning to you too, I guess.” Ermal mumbled, as he stood up and tried to hold his balance.

“I’m sorry, I really am, but if we don’t hurry up, I’m going to miss my flight back to Italy. I forgot to set an alarm last night and we overslept and it’s already lunch now and I fly at four and something and there’s an hour drive to the airport and who knows how long the passport security will take and-“

“Fabbri, calm down.” Ermal had gotten hold of his shoulders and was looking at him straight in the eyes, “You won’t miss your flight, there’s enough time. Just pack your stuff and we’ll be on our way, okay?”

Fabrizio nodded, took a few deep breaths, and then nodded again. Ermal let go of him,

“I’ll quickly go to check up on the girls then would pass through the bathroom and would be back right away, okay?” Ermal waited for him to nod, then left the room. Fabrizio quickly packed all his belongings he could find around Ermal’s room, then put on his shoes, coat and scarf and waited anxiously for Ermal, who came back shortly after, put on his coat as well and they both left to wait for the bus that would take them to the central station.

The bus seemed to have other plans, however, as it had not arrived even after more than twenty minutes of waiting. Fabrizio was really starting to get anxious again and all Ermal could do was take his hand and try to convince him that all would be fine. And Fabrizio was truly glad that Ermal was with him; had he not been there, Fabrizio would probably had already lost it.

Luckily, the bus arrived after five more minutes and they hurried to get on it. The ride seemed to Fabrizio like the longest in his life and once they had arrived at the central station, he almost ran in the direction of the bus that would take him to the airport (this time the building was small enough and the bus was right in the front so at least he wouldn’t have to deal with getting lost in a damned station again), Ermal trying to catch up with him behind him.

He stopped in front of the vehicle and turned to Ermal, who was slightly out of breath from the running,

“I’m really glad I came to visit you.”

“I’m really glad, too. If you hadn’t, who knows if I would have ever gotten the courage to kiss you.”

“I’m even more glad that you did.” Fabrizio then captured Ermal’s face and kissed him, Ermal not wasting any time in returning the kiss. As they parted, Ermal’s expression had become somewhat sad,

“I’m going to miss you.”

“Me too, even more than before. But you’ll be coming back home in just two weeks, so we only need to get through those, right?”

Ermal chuckled and nodded, caressing his cheek,

“Yes, only two weeks. But you better go now because you might really miss your flight if you don’t. Not that I would mind having you here, of course.”

They laughed softly again and Fabrizio leaned in for one last kiss,

“As much as I’d love to stay, I can’t. See you soon, Ermal.”

“Text me when you get to the airport and when you land, okay?”

“Of course.” They smiled at each other once more and Fabrizio turned to leave, but then Ermal called his attention back,

“And Fabbri? I love you too.”

Fabrizio’s eyes widened and he was about to respond but then the clackson of the vehicle sounded and with a grin at Ermal he got on, the doors sliding closed behind him, leaving Ermal outside, staring at him with the same grin on his face.

Fabrizio took a sit and the vehicle went off. He decided that England wasn’t that bad, after all.

***

**[15:32]Fabri:** _Just got at the airport and have to find my gate._

**[15:32]Ermal:** _Text me when you do so I know you actually managed to catch your flight. <3_

***

**[15:58]Fabri:** _I’m on the plane, we have to take off in fifteen minutes. Sorry I didn’t text earlier, there was no time._

**[15:59]Ermal** : _Don’t worry, I’m glad you found your plane. Have a safe flight and text me when you land. <3_

**[15:59]Fabri** : _Will do <3_

***

**[19:34]Fabri:** _Just landed. Can’t wait to get to bed, this has been exhausting._

**[19:34]Ermal:** _I can imagine. I’m glad that you’re safely home. Only wish I was there with you._

**[19:35]Fabri:** _I wish so too. <3 Only two weeks to go! _

**[19:35]Ermal** : _I’m already counting down the days._

**[19:35]Fabri:** _You won’t even notice them going by._

_And I’m sorry I couldn’t say it back to you when you did, but here: I love you too and I wish I could say it to you in person._

**[19:36]Ermal:** _You’ll have the opportunity to do that soon enough <3 Remember only two weeks to go!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To all who reached the ending: thank you soooo much for reading this, it definitely isn't such a good work, but I enjoyed writing it nevertheless and would be the happiest person on the world if you enjoyed it as well.  
> The ending might seem a bit rushed or incomplete, but I honestly had no idea how to finish it otherwise.   
> I originally planned there to be also chapters of their time back in Italy, but I feel like this fic has gone on long enough and would like to move on to other works (whenever I might have the time to write them, because one idea is already there, it just needs to be written :D)   
> I would love to hear what you thought of this chapter, or the fic as a whole!   
> Vi voglio bene! <333


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